It’s a self-harming of sorts. I know that but if I can release some of the anger I have for her, let it flow, maybe then I won’t feel as bad. I know it could backfire on me. But to hell with it. I want my revenge. I will take the blade and make the cut.

‘I’m pretty sure Tara Moore knew an Avril Ryan,’ I say.

The room falls silent then. I have given the detective exactly what she wants. She can’t thank me for it because she can’t show her excitement but I know she’s holding it in. Detective Lee is looking straight at me and I am looking right back.

I’m fully aware of the trouble this will cause. It’s a lie. A great big lie. But I don’t give a shit. In fact, I feel better already.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Tara

There’s a thick fog floating on the surface of the River Liffey like it’s trying to hide something. I make my way down the quays, pushing past the crowds that are walking too slow for my liking. I want to get home to Lucas. I want to see his face and hug his strong body. To be reminded of my future.

Muriel came to my rescue earlier, calling me back on duty before the conversation carried on any further with Andriu. We hugged and he agreed to meet Lucas and me in Reilly’s pub on the corner of our apartment block on Friday night. Amy will be there too.

Andriu said he’s looking forward to meeting Lucas but I’m not as excited anymore. I’m thinking, maybe I should have left my past where it was and not invited Andriu to the wedding. At the time, I thought it would be nice to have someone from those halcyon days at the reception, but that was before the body was found. Now, having him around only reminds me of the investigation and how close I’m sailing to the wind.

I didn’t like what he said about Faye either – that she had gotten weird, implying she had gone a bit mad. It’s probably Andriu’s way of dealing with the way he treated her, running out on her. Some men get like that when they do something wrong. They become allergic to blame, citing the woman’s madness for their lack of judgement. I saw it happen when Mam’s brother Derek was caught offside with his young secretary. He decided it was his wife’s fault, said she was mad, that she drove him to it. And even though he was her only brother, Mam didn’t fall for his nonsense. She was so angry that day, and it wasn’t long after her diagnosis so there wasn’t a lot of anger left in her, but she summoned whatever there was and read him the riot act.