I’m taking deep breaths through my nose, trying to relax.

‘You know what that means, Tara. You cannot say anything about what we did.’

‘I know that, Faye. Christ, do you think I’m stupid?’

‘No, I don’t think you’re stupid, but you’re dealing with professionals here. They know how to rattle people, how to get them to say things they never thought they’d say.’

‘Well don’t worry, I won’t be saying anything.’

Faye hangs up, leaving me feeling like she has no faith in me. I promised to contact her if the detectives came back and she said she’d let me know how she gets on with the detective if she thinks there’s a need to. Then she just told me to enjoy my wedding and said goodbye.

It wasn’t quite the reunion I often dreamt about in my head.

Chapter Sixteen

Faye

Each time Tara mentioned his name it felt like something was squeezing my brain. I thought my head was going to burst. Acid burned its way towards my mouth and my teeth pressed down hard, clenching until I thought they might break.

I have cut the inside of my jowl and now I can taste the metallic blood oozing over my tongue. This reminds me I’m alive, I’m human. I don’t deserve to be treated like this, to be betrayed like this.

I say hello to jealousy, that green monster who wants to upset me. Someone has what I should have. Someone who doesn’t deserve it and it stirs anger in me. Andriu is mine. Why is he in contact with Tara? Why is she inviting him to her wedding?

I lie down and close my eyes. Count, slowly, one… two… slow your breath down. It’s not good to let my body stay angry like this. They don’t deserve to damage me anymore. I must think of the good stuff. How great my life was with Andriu. How he loved me. How I loved him. How I can have all that again.

When I feel I’ve lowered the temperature under my anger, I sit up straight, stare at the wall in front of me and go back to the source of my distress. I look straight at it.

If Andriu is going to Tara’s wedding they must have stayed in touch all these years. Tara did try to contact me for the first few months but I ignored her attempts. I wasn’t ready to let her back into my life. She had betrayed me. She had to pay.

I wonder if they spoke about me. They probably laughed at me for being so stupid not to have known what was going on between them.