The phone beeps, dragging me out of the trance I’ve fallen into. It’s Mam again. This time I answer. I tell her that I’m doing great. I’m having a lovely time with my friend. I hold my hand over the phone briefly and pretend to be laughing with someone before telling her I have to go and that I’ll be home later. She stutters, which means she’s nervous. Mam doesn’t know whether to believe me or not. I try to reassure her that everything is fine and ask her to leave my dinner in the microwave in case I’m still hungry when I get home. I know she won’t relax now until the key turns in the lock. Mam treats me just like she did before I left home to go to college. She forgets I’m a woman of the world now. That I can look after myself. There’s nothing I can do to ease her anxiety. I have to live my life. I have to wait for Andriu.

Over an hour has passed and I’m still standing here. With the river Liffey flowing behind me, I lean against the wall. It would be so easy to lean back and fall in if I wanted to. I don’t want to though. I want to meet Andriu.

It’s difficult to hear the water moving because of the noisy traffic but when there’s a lull and I concentrate I can hear it. It’s rhythm. The sound of the earth breathing.

Another hour passes. The cold air doesn’t seem to bother me so much anymore but the lights flashing on the premises opposite do. Reilly’s Bar. I really could do with a drink… but what if I miss him? What if Andriu arrives when I’m in there? I take one last glance over at the entrance to the apartment block where I see no new activity, then I step away from the Liffey wall.

I’ll have one. Just the one.

Chapter Forty-One

Tara

‘Will you miss us?’

Emily is half drunk and we’re not even in the pub yet. She and Amy have polished off a bottle of prosecco and now they’re opening a second bottle.