BooksBarbecue
Back Her White Lie
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Chapter One
  4. Chapter Two
  5. Chapter Three
  6. Chapter Four
  7. Chapter Five
  8. Chapter Six
  9. Chapter Seven
  10. Chapter Eight
  11. Chapter Nine
  12. Chapter Ten
  13. Chapter Eleven
  14. Chapter Twelve
  15. Chapter Thirteen
  16. Chapter Fourteen
  17. Chapter Fifteen
  18. Chapter Sixteen
  19. Chapter Seventeen
  20. Chapter Eighteen
  21. Chapter Nineteen
  22. Chapter Twenty
  23. Chapter Twenty-One
  24. Chapter Twenty-Two
  25. Chapter Twenty-Three
  26. Chapter Twenty-Four
  27. Chapter Twenty-Five
  28. Chapter Twenty-Six
  29. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  30. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  31. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  32. Chapter Thirty
  33. Chapter Thirty-One
  34. Chapter Thirty-Two
  35. Chapter Thirty-Three
  36. Chapter Thirty-Four
  37. Chapter Thirty-Five
  38. Chapter Thirty-Six
  39. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  40. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  41. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  42. Chapter Forty
  43. Chapter Forty-One
  44. Chapter Forty-Two
  45. Chapter Forty-Three
  46. Chapter Forty-Four
  47. Chapter Forty-Five
  48. Chapter Forty-Six
  49. Chapter Forty-Seven
  50. Chapter Forty-Eight
  51. Chapter Forty-Nine
  52. Chapter Fifty
  53. Chapter Fifty-One
  54. Chapter Fifty-Two
  55. Chapter Fifty-Three
  56. Chapter Fifty-Four
  57. Chapter Fifty-Five
  58. Chapter Fifty-Six
  59. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  60. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  61. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  62. Chapter Sixty
  63. Chapter Sixty-One
  64. Chapter Sixty-Two
  65. Chapter Sixty-Three
  66. Chapter Sixty-Four
  67. Chapter Sixty-Five
  68. Chapter Sixty-Six
  69. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  70. A letter from Jackie
  71. About the Author
  72. Also by Jackie Walsh

Pushing through the happy smiles and the abundance of colour floating on all these nameless faces, I drag fresh air into my lungs and try to stop myself from falling to the ground. It’s taking all my concentration to see ahead of me, to look normal. This carnival atmosphere with everyone laughing and singing and getting drunk doesn’t help. I feel drunk, even though I haven’t had a drink. The place is spinning. Moving too quickly, or too slowly, I can’t tell. I’m moving at a different pace to everyone else. Trying to pause time.

I need to get out of here.

Faye takes my hand when she notices how stressed I’ve become. She puts her other hand out in front of her, pushing through the crowd like someone is chasing after us. Faye says nothing, squeezing my hand, letting me know she’s beside me.

After what feels like a marathon in chains, we arrive outside where I stop and lean against the side of a food van at the edge of the car park. The smell of food frying adds to my distress and I can feel my stomach lurching. I close my eyes and pray for strength. When I open them again I’m looking up at the blue sky. There are no clouds blocking my view as I hopelessly search for a sign that heaven is up there somewhere. I rest for a few more minutes until Faye suggests we get a move on.

The traffic is heavier than we allowed for. There must be quite a few people getting dropped off at the festival instead of using the special bus service. I never thought of that. It’s going to take us longer to get to Dublin than we’d planned. But it doesn’t matter. Time no longer matters. Not for this. Not for what I’m about to do.

Eventually we arrive outside the house and we get out of the car. My body trembles under Faye’s generous hug that cloaks me in support. She knows that what I’m about to do can never be undone.

Chapter Ten

I can’t sleep. I lie in bed, listening to the sound of the rain constantly banging against my window. I keep checking my phone in case I miss a call from Faye, which is stupid. Faye is not going to ring in the middle of the night.