I wonder what he looks like now. Has he still got that silly hairstyle where the top is twice as long as the rest of his hair and drops down over his face like a black mantilla? His sideways grin always made me blush when it was accompanied by a subtle wink. That meant he was thinking about the love we had made the night before. Or the love he planned to be making that same night once we had left whoever’s company we were stuck with.

Andriu was always in T-shirts and jeans. Even when going to work, which surprised me because he was management. But he said suits and ties were for old people and his company didn’t insist on them. They were up and coming, more like Google.

I remember buying him a shirt and tie once, hoping he’d wear them to my Christmas party at the hospital but he didn’t.

The only time I saw him in a suit and tie was when his father died and he looked really handsome in it. I remember him standing at the doorway explaining once again that he didn’t want me to go to the funeral with him because I had exams coming up. I wanted to go. I wanted to meet his family. I had only ever heard stories about them – his sisters, his mom, his older brother who lived in the States. I wanted to be there to comfort Andriu when he succumbed to the loss. He hadn’t cried since hearing about his father’s sudden death, trying to stay strong for everyone else, but I knew when it came to the church and the graveyard he would be devastated. He would need me to hold him… but no. He insisted he’d be okay and refused to take me away from my studies.

My exams were still a few weeks away but Andriu was thoughtful like that. He wanted me to do my best. Taking a deep breath, I let the icy air travel deep into my lungs and blow out a white cloud of smoke. I wonder if Andriu will wink at me tonight?