Going through to the bathroom, she stopped just inside the door and bowed her head. The mirror was still her enemy, brutal and unforgiving, the harshest of truth tellers, the place where there was nowhere to hide. It would be like that for the rest of her life; and it would be the same in court tomorrow. All eyes would be on her, scrutinizing her scars, flinching, pitying, inwardly recoiling, and probably thanking God that they didn’t have to look at her for long.

Why would she put herself through the distress of it when Claudia, or Gordon Lock, could speak for her?

Unable to face her reflection, she turned away and picked up a towel to dry her eyes. She hated self-pity and usually did everything she could to avoid it, but now that it was here she couldn’t make it go away. Trying to carry on as if nothing had changed wasn’t helping her tonight. Nothing was and nothing could, because her conscience, her confidence, and her heart were in such terrible conflict that it was impossible to find a way forward.

“Mum,” Claudia said softly.

Marcy didn’t look up, but when Claudia’s arms went around her she simply sobbed into her shoulder.

“It’s all right,” Claudia whispered, stroking her hair. “You don’t have to do it. Everyone will understand.”

Chapter Forty-Nine

I didn’t see you in court today, but Helen told me you were there. She also said that you’ve been worried because you haven’t heard from me since the indictment changed, so I’m writing this now for her to give you tomorrow before court starts.

I promise, I didn’t mean to cause you any stress by not being in touch, I just didn’t want to put any pressure on you about the trial. I thought if I gave you some space you might be able to work out whether you really want to get up and say something. I get that it won’t be easy for you and there’s no reason why you should do it because you definitely don’t owe me anything. Not even close.

Please keep that in mind.

What did you think of the way it went today? Not great, was it? I was warned the Crown’s opening would take me apart, and it sure did that. Proper little psycho me, in case anyone didn’t know. You can probably imagine what the jury’s thinking already, keep him locked up and throw away the key. I know I’d be thinking that if I was them.