Sage was next.

“Guru Sage!” She looked around. “Get it? Sage? Like, wise? Like a guru? Come on, high five!” A couple of girls slapped her roaming hand.

Mother—

Lena’s hand was at my chin.

I panicked and said the first thing that came to mind.

“Daya Doo Wop?”

Oh my fucking God.

There was a moment of silence. Probably for my dignity.

Then laughter. Loads and loads of laughter.

“That’s real cute, Daya. But we’ll work on it,” Lena said, pinching my cheek.

I laughed to cover up my mortification, but my face burned. This is what happens when you try to fit in, dummy.

Sensing a crack in my shield, I needed to go gather myself, but as I got up to escape to the bathroom, Lena placed a pointed finger in my face.

“Not so fast, sweet cherry pie. Sit yer bumblebee butt back down.” She stepped next to Kat, who’d been imbibing more than we had this whole time. “Fresh meat! It’s time for the Honey Hijinks!”

At this, the rest of the team started making buzzing sounds—like bees. Another girl from the team—I think her derby name was something like Hello Titty—brought over a lumpy duffel bag and dropped it by Lena’s feet. Lena unzipped the bag and began pulling out various items of costumery and clothing: feather boas, crowns and tiaras, a clown nose, fake teeth and eyelashes, something fluffy, something else fluffy, wigs, and more.

These she laid in front of us among the empty shot glasses and beer mugs. I squeezed my hands into fists and got my game face on. No cracks, Daya. You can do this.

“Fresh meat!” she barked again, like a drill sergeant. “You have one minute to put on at least six of these items each! If you fail in this first task, Kat will provide special assistance!”

Kat raised her glass in affirmation, swaying a little as she did.

“Honeys! Count down from sixty starting… NOW!”

I think all four of us took at least numbers sixty through fifty-six to shake out of our confused, tipsy stupor and start picking up the items. Not one for dressing up—despite Priam and Vicki’s repeated attempts to make me do so—I eyed up the various pieces, searching for the most mundane possible. Choices were slim. As Sage ripped into the package of fake eyelashes, Potts went straight for a boa and crown. Grace seemed almost as lost as I was but managed to start pulling on a rainbow-striped vest.

I yanked off my ball cap and fitted my head with a gray wig, then placed my cap back on top of that. No way was I going to put anything in my mouth, so I skipped the fake teeth and grabbed a pink lei instead.