I rubbed my face with my hands, probably a little too aggressively, because Shanti moved a little closer and said, “Sorry—I’m not trying to stress you out. I just… want you to be safe.” Her hand was still on my hip, and now her other one moved to my cheek. She was so close.

“I know. It’s okay. I just… It’s a hard thing to admit. I hate that I do it.” I looked down at my feet.

“It must be hard. All of it. But it sounds like you’re doing the strongest possible thing about it.”

I glanced up at her. At her lips. “What’s that?”

“Talking about it.”

I sighed. “Yes. Lots of talking. And yes, it’s been great and all. But maybe… we could take a little break from it for a minute?” I kept looking at her lips. Played with my hoodie strings.

Shanti nodded ever so slightly as she took my hand and pulled me to a small enclave in the store housing Staff Recommendations. With hardcovers pressed into my back, we kept each other quiet for the next several minutes.

Shanti and I had been interrupted by a customer who clearly didn’t realize that there was a heated make-out session happening among the books, and Shanti had to get back to work. We agreed we’d hang out after Shanti’s shift was over in an hour, though, so I killed some time bumming around the neighborhood, and then we met up again.

“Where to?” Shanti asked.

Obviously, I really just wanted to make out with Shanti some more. But something else was really bothering me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to move on until I did something about it.

“Do you think Lena would hate seeing me right now?”

Shanti thought about it for a moment. “I’m not sure, but I think it’s worth a try. You know she’s at my place, though, right? And so is Kat?”

Right.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Shanti and I entered from the back of the house, down through the basement to her room. I needed a couple of minutes to gather myself before running into Kat. Shanti had said Kat was still pissed about Lena’s injury, the loss, and me and Shanti getting together.

I couldn’t change the first two things and I didn’t want to change the third, so I was going into this with very little to offer. All I could do was apologize. I just hoped Kat would give me a chance to.