Dr. Hoang had said to write stuff down that I wanted to say but couldn’t. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say right now, though. I couldn’t sleep because my mind was caught up in completely unfamiliar territory.

I pulled a pen out of the drawer of my desk anyway and sat back down on my bed. I stared at the first page, twirling the pen with my fingers.

I could just start writing all the thoughts burning through my brain, I guessed. But that seemed like a lot of writing. And the thoughts were coming too fast to catch them anyway, I told myself. I could write a list of to-dos. Practice stops. Finish crappy English essay. Start crappy college apps. Those weren’t really the things on my mind, though. Not quite the point, I heard Dr. Hoang say in my head.

In the end, all I ended up writing was, What the hell, Daya? before stuffing both the notebook and the pen back in the drawer and lying awake for another two hours.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

“Daya, what the hell are you doing? You’re prancing around like some kind of clown! Are you here to entertain or to win? This girl isn’t anywhere near your level, but you’re making her look ten times as good. What’s happening?” Thatha’s brow creased. His eyes glared in disbelief.

I swished the water around and swallowed, staring out across the ring at my opponent, who looked as tired as I was. Nothing had felt right since we left the house. For some reason, Amma had decided to come to my match that day, even though she hated watching me box.

“Why do you want to come now?” my dad had asked.

“I can support my daughter, can’t I?” Amma had responded.

This was shortly after Amma’s and my playful “fight” in the backyard. I guess at the time I thought she’d enjoyed it enough to want to see me in the ring.

“If you come, you can’t distract her, okay?” my dad had chastised as we walked to the car. “You know what boxing is, so don’t expect anything else.”

“Yes, Nihal, I know, I know.”

The only one who’d spoken in the car had been my dad, running through everything he’d already told me when we’d trained the day before. I think having my mum there made him agitated, like he was on the defensive or something.

I felt something in between nervous and excited. I’d wanted my mum to see me box for so long, even though I doubted she’d be able to watch a whole match. I pictured her watching through her fingers, or maybe leaving after the first round.