There was tension, for sure, but also closeness. A hug was what I was hoping for, and when Kat pulled Shanti in—maybe a little more aggressively than an average human being would expect, but with a look of relief on her face—a swell overcame my chest that I couldn’t control. I didn’t want to, anyway.

I found a spot close to where I’d seen that first bout and watched the Skintastics and Hell Beasts roar around the track. Eventually I felt an arm encircle my waist and we watched together.

My world was full.

Chapter Forty-One

Dr. Hoang sat in her chair, reading the couple of pages I’d managed to fill in the journal.

One page was everything I’d thought made me strong before. The other page was everything that made me strong now. It’d been Shanti’s idea. I’d scoffed at first—I mean, I was starting to come around to all this feelings stuff, but journaling still felt too “froufy.” So we’d just talked it out first. I’d been surprised by how much I had to say, especially about the things that made me strong now. I’d been equally surprised by how much lighter I felt afterward.

When I’d gone home that night, I’d lain on my bed and filled the two pages with my scratchy writing. Bruising, silence, and defiance plus everything that came along with those things on one page—talking, trusting, and caring on the other. And so many names. Fee, Shanti, Priam, Vicki, all the roller folks… Amma. Thatha.

I’d had to think about adding Thatha’s name to the second page. But in the end, I realized he’d taught me a kind of resilience, even if it had tipped over into stubbornness and distance. I’d take the part that was good and leave the rest.

Dr. Hoang closed the journal and looked up at me. I appreciated that she didn’t seem smug about me finally using it. I was growing and all, but that still would’ve pissed me off.

“Wow.” She paused, and I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. But then she continued, “Sorry—I’m just a little blown away by you right now. It’s making me lose my words.”

A “Ha!” erupted from my mouth, startling Dr. Hoang. Her face turned to amusement quickly, though. I immediately got embarrassed. “Sorry… just, you… speechless…” I couldn’t help but laugh again.

She laughed too, and it lifted the embarrassment.

After a moment, she tilted her head and asked, “So? Are we doing this, then?”

I sank into my chair. I guess we are.

Chapter Forty-Two

The following weekend Priam and Vicki knocked on my bedroom door as I was trying to catch up on all the homework I’d been ignoring.

“Come in.”

They poked their heads through a small opening, both faces hesitant.