Feeling panicky, I told Ms. Leung I had to go to the bathroom. I checked the other stalls to make sure no one else was in any of them and locked myself in the least disgusting one. Leaning against the closed door, I pressed my thumb into the palm of my hand and closed my eyes. I did not want to look like an ass on skates, but I also hated that I’d need to ask for help. Letting Fee help me learn to skateboard had been hard enough, but their hands-off, chill way made it easier to let them in—and only partially in. Bee and Yolanda seemed like a whole other ball game. They didn’t seem to have a lot of boundaries.

But as I pressed into my palm as hard as I could, feeling only the slightest relief from the tightness in my chest, I realized I didn’t have a choice if I wanted to make this team.

I pulled out my cell phone and pressed Bee’s number in to see if she and Yolanda would actually connect me with some equipment and maybe some skating help as soon as possible. Sure enough, Bee answered the phone, full of as much pep as she’d shown the previous day. My chest continued to tighten, but I managed to get my words out well enough.

“Of course, honey! Let’s go tonight! You got a pen and pay-puh? Write this down.”

After she gave me about a page’s worth of directions to some place that seemed to be down a rabbit hole and somewhere in Wonderland, we agreed to meet there at five o’clock.

The equipment list included quad skates, helmet, wrist guards, elbow pads, kneepads, and a fitted mouth guard. The mouth guard concerned me a little, I’ll admit—bruising fulfilled a need in me that burned high and hot, but losing my teeth was less tantalizing.

That was a lot of equipment, but I was all right for cash. I had a bank account with a bunch of money my parents left me, and Vicki and Priam let me use whatever I needed from there. Vicki had tried to keep close track of how much I was using at first, but she gave up after I had a fit over it and accused her of trying to keep my dead parents from me. Guilt could be a useful thing, when it wasn’t a shitty thing. Now she just checked in once in a while to make sure I wasn’t being completely reckless with the money.

When I got off the phone with Bee, I was glad to at least have a line on some equipment, but I still had no idea how I was going to up my skating game by Monday and panic continued to pulse through me. I remained in the stall for several minutes, waiting for my chest to loosen.

Chapter Thirteen