Shit. I shoved my textbook off my lap and peered out my window, which faced the alley behind the house. Shanti was sitting on her bike, just beyond the fence to the property. A light rain had started, and she’d only worn jeans and a hoodie. She’d be soaked in no time.

Priam and Vicki were downstairs, and there was no effing way I wanted a reprise of breakfast the other day, so I texted Shanti to meet me at the double garage doors.

A minute later she was guiding her bike in through the doors, carefully avoiding both Vicki and Priam’s car and the rows of costumes and boxes. She held her bike beside her. I didn’t offer any alternative. We were standing in the couple of feet of space between car and costumes. I watched her, a heavy pressure building in my chest, a tightness in my throat. I hadn’t been in here since Priam tried to give me the boxing equipment. I didn’t want to be in here now, either.

Water dripped off Shanti’s helmet and onto her nose, her cheeks. Her eyes looked a little wet too. To avoid them, I focused on her chin.

“Little damp out,” she said.

I knew she must be cold, that I should invite her in or give her a towel, but that wouldn’t fit with my goal. That would just muddle everything up again.

Instead I replied, “Yeah,” and waited for her to say something else. She came to me, after all, I justified to myself.

She looked down at her hands and squeezed them tight around the handlebars of her bike, then brought her eyes up to me again. “Listen, you probably have your reasons for letting Kat goad you yesterday.”

My heart felt like it was banging against my rib cage. I didn’t want to hear any of this.

“I just needed to let you know it didn’t feel great. Especially after everything I told you about us, my mom…” She wiped her nose with her wet sleeve. “It felt like… like you were choosing Kat.” She shrugged and aimed her gaze back at her hands.

Fuck. I had zero ability to handle this right now. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything or think about all the ways I’d screwed up—all I wanted to do was get out on the track and back into my body. I needed to. I didn’t have the energy to make Shanti understand that, though. Opening up all these places inside of me had left me too exposed already. Putting my body in the way of danger was the only way I knew how to continue protecting the deep down, inside pieces. But until I could do that on the track, I’d have to make do with my words.