Kat grinned from the ground, unfazed by my hit. “I knew it. You just needed a reminder.” She rolled over and hopped back onto her skates. Encircling my neck with her arm, she announced to the rest of the Honeys, “Check out this bitch, y’all! That’s how you do it!” The team cheered. Lena still looked confused, though, and Shanti… Shanti was nowhere to be seen.

Ice cubes clicked against the side of the bathtub as I turned off the faucet. Easing myself in, I ground my teeth against the frigid water, my legs first burning with pain, then numbing from the cold. I lowered myself farther until cubes floated around my chin and ears. An ice bath was the only way to recover from an intense practice or workout. Thatha taught me that. And I could appreciate the numbing sensation, the easing of my muscles, even if I had to accept the healing effects on my bruises.

No easing was taking place right now, though. My brain needed to be frozen for that to happen. I wished I could submerge my whole head and have the water immobilize all the thoughts racing through it.

Practice had continued like normal after the impromptu challenge. Lena cracked her verbal whip and had us gunning around the track in no time. I noticed her and Kat having a heated discussion while we were doing drills, though. I’m sure Lena was pissed that Kat had promised me a spot on the starting lineup for my first bout. She was probably also wondering who I was supposed to replace. I wondered that too, but only momentarily, before I started thinking about how intense it was going to be out on that track. How brutal.

Part of me had wanted to follow Shanti—I hadn’t meant to hurt her, but she must’ve understood I couldn’t just let Kat get away with challenging me. She might be able to put up with that shit, but she knew who I was—what I was like. She couldn’t blame me for playing my part.

The bigger urge, though, was to get back to practice and start hammering away. Kat’s words had reached right into my gut and pulled up something rotten. Something that made me sick and angry at myself. That made me want to show everyone just how indestructible I could be.

Soft.

I wouldn’t let that happen again.

Shanti texted me the next day while I was lying on my bed, trying in vain to do my homework.

Hey. You free?

My first reaction was a small lift in my chest. But the rot invading my stomach quickly overcame any good feelings and dissolved them like acid.

Seeing Shanti right now would just get in the way of my resolve. I needed to keep focused on the goal at hand: stay strong, prove myself.

Not really. Homework. Ugh.

Oh. I’m outside. Sorry.