She blinked and nodded. “Okay. I get it. But you know Kat shouldn’t have a say in this, right?” She pointed between us.

“Let’s figure it out later, okay?” I said, not really sure I was ready to figure anything out.

“Sure. No problem.” She looked down at her drawing.

Damn. I wasn’t used to this kind of thing. I didn’t have to follow up with the guys I usually hooked up with or worry about hurt feelings. Casual had been the name of the game. “Hey.” I tugged at her sleeve. “I mean it.”

She looked up again and contemplated me for a moment. “Okay.”

I breathed out in relief. “Okay.”

“You should warm up.”

“I guess I should. Any tips?”

“Yeah, stay off your ass,” she said, and walked away.

For the entire practice, I did my best to just concentrate on what Alma had taught me—to focus on working with my teammates and supporting them when needed. Though I still brought ferocity to the track, I spent more energy than usual thinking through plays and creating room for the jammer using strategy more than out-and-out brute strength. I wasn’t perfect—it was a new style of play for me, after all—but I thought I was doing okay.

You wouldn’t be able to tell that by Kat’s response, though. In fact, based on her feedback, you’d think I was a shit show.

“Daya, my nana hits harder than that!”

“If you protect your blockers that way, we might as well replace you with a pylon.”

“Can someone please explain to Daya that we’re not playing ‘touch’ roller derby?”

I tried to suck it up and stay focused, knowing she was just pissed about the other night and trying to get under my skin, but nothing I did seemed good enough. And the more frustrated I got, the more mistakes I made. The more I tried to make up for those mistakes, the more impatient and sloppy I got. This just led to further frustration, and I lost my drive. By the halfway point, I felt like a pinball being bounced around by the other skaters, proving everything Kat was saying to be true.

Shanti must have noticed, because at the water break, she came over to me and said, “Hey—you okay out there?”

I squirted some water into my mouth as angrily as someone can squirt water into their mouth. A perma-frown had taken up residence on my face. “I’m fine.”

“You sure? Kat’s being pretty hard on you. Want me to say something?”

“What? No! That’d just make it worse.”