“I understand how you feel. Do you feel better? You’ll feel even better if you wash up and go to bed.” Jihyun guides me to the bathroom with his arm around my shoulder. He must have put in bubble bath because the tub is filled with bubbles, overflowing onto the floor, making it slippery. The mirror is foggy. We walk barefoot. He checks the water and then approaches me to hold me from behind. He takes off my new denim jacket and the tshirt with the golden skull, he undoes the brassiere. I cover my breasts with my hands.

“I’ll stop here. When I feel sad, I take a bath like this. You’ll feel better soaking in a nice warm bath.” Jihyun turns to head out.

“Join me. The tub is large enough for both of us.”

“No.”

“Why not?” I whine.

“Just because.”

“You’re starting to sound like me. Answer me. Why not?”

“… I’d want to have sex with you if we got naked together. I want to wait till our marriage.”

“You want to marry me?”

“Yes, of course, if you’d agree, that is. Didn’t you see the basket of roses the other month? I left a note about that. I felt a little hurt that you didn’t say anything about it.”

“Wait, that basket of roses? There was no name in the card. I thought it was misdelivered!”

“I thought you’d just know it was me.”

“Jesus … Look at you, mumbling behind my back. You act as though you’re afraid of me. Why can’t you look at me straight here?” I uncover my breasts and turn around, and Jihyun slams the door behind him. I want to see a naked man in real life. I want to see if male bodies are really as gorgeous as they are in art, like the statue of David. I want to show my body to the person I choose. I want to share the burden of innocence with him. Is he an ascetic? Autistic? Does he despise me for offering myself like this? Ugh, I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t want me. Nana or Leche wouldn’t take a good look either without the imported dry food I fed them. I enter the tub and blow the soap bubbles, breathing in the luxurious floral smell. I dunk my face into the warm water and hold my breath. I love the way the water hugs my body. I lie down and try floating.

The door opens and Jihyun enters with a big bath towel wrapped around his entire body. He tosses something into the tub: it’s the plastic goldfish he bought at Taejong Beach. The stupid fish, a little larger and uglier than a goldfish, swims and tickles my breast.

“Yeoul, listen to me. Let’s make a promise. We will not have sex tonight. I hope you will be considerate of this pact.”