“No, she didn’t say anything about that when we talked. She just told me she is friends with Yeoul’s mom, and that that’s why she was so nice to Yeoul. This letter is new to me, too. So maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s unusual for my mom to tell me anything about her life—we barely eat together, each of us being so busy and all.” All our faces darken. Maybe even if I had known my mother I wouldn’t really know her.

We face the letter gravely, as though we will only be released from it if we navigate its twisted maze, solve this crossword puzzle. I didn’t mean to bring us down like this, but I couldn’t face the letter on my own. My head aches. It feels like worms writhing inside my skull are trying to find their way out. I’ve been feeling achy and obsessive ever since I received the letter last night.

Eunyong suddenly claps loudly and announces, “Alright, alright, cheer up, you guys. Nothing’s that complicated here. Let’s go to this address and fact-check! What, this isn’t like 3000 Leagues in Search of Mother. We’re so close, and the address is right here in front of us.” Eunyong has seemed changed ever since she got pregnant—she used to sneak food from the kitchen like a little girl and slack off on her duties at any given chance. Does a woman grow stronger once she’s carrying a life in her? Or did Sol toughen her up?

“Let’s do this.” Sol rises from her seat, and everyone follows her out of reflex. Jihyun pays the bill, and I sluggishly climb the stairs to follow them.

Spare Tire

Spare Tire

The sunset spreads across the sky to the west like watercolor. The whites of Sol’s eyes glow red like the sun. The free parking lot we are walking to feels like it’s a million miles away. The ocean wind is freezing cold. I take back my earlier “The wind is rising, we must try to live!” thing. Who says I have to be consistent with any thoughts I had this morning to last through the night? My eyes well up at the blasts of cold wind. The magnolia flower buds break off their branches as if they’re being decapitated.

“Brrr, quick, turn the heater on. What’s wrong with this weather? Winter is supposed to be over!”

“Well, there’s a saying, isn’t there? The spring chill of March kills the unsuspecting elders.” Jihyun often comes up with aphorisms that seem too perfect for the situation and it kinda gets on my nerves. I’m glad I’m sitting with my friends in the back seat this time. Sitting by Sol makes me feel calmer. The relentless crashing waves of my heart are quieting down.