“Sol. Sol, Sol, shut up! People can hear you.” People are stupid, like dumb beasts trying to sniff out the trail of another animal. They keep asking questions about her death as though that would lead them to know who Jimin was. In a way, I’m doing the same, I suppose. Perhaps the only thing a human can do without an ulterior motive is die.

I’m falling asleep again. Sleep roars in like a dark cloud. Someone told me I probably have narcolepsy and that I should get it checked out, but I savor these moments of drowsy ecstasy. I don’t care if this is a disease. I would’ve died long ago if I didn’t have this escape. The afternoon my mother left me, I slid down from the swing to curl up into sleep on the grass. When I heard about my stepbrother’s death, I just keeled over and slept.

I see Jimin and me on the beach. We’re making a sand castle, but the waves keep crashing in. Jimin chuckles. Our skin is bright pink. We look like a couple of baby piglets. She points at me and laughs. We’re naked, but we don’t feel embarrassed. The sun pricks our bare skin, it’s the only thing we’re concerned about. Yeoul, I love summer. I wish I wasn’t allergic to the sunlight. Sunbe’s back bloats up in bright red. So itchy. Her belly rises like a balloon. Get in the shade before your belly bursts! I try to yell but I’m merely mouthing the words. Hurry! Hurry! I mouth. But there isn’t any shade, not even a tiny patch the size of a my hand. Ahead of us are vast sand dunes. I dig a hole in the shape of a mattress, and gesture to her to lie in it. She giggles, and lies down in the hole. All I need to do is cover her with sand. The sun can’t get to her, and she can’t keep inflating if I can cover her. I scoop the sand with my hands, but everything keeps slipping through my fingers. My hands are empty, and I panic. Sunbe’s body is covered in red lesions, and, as she scratches, pus flows out. I poke my palm with my finger. My hand now has a hole in it. I poke my cheek with my finger. My finger penetrates my cheek until I feel the back of my head. I try to call to Jimin, I try to get back to her, but my feet are sinking in the sand.

Sol shakes me awake. “Yeoul! Are you alright? You were having a nightmare. Gosh! You’re so sweaty.”

“Where are we?”

“This is our stop. Can you get up?”

3. Sul is the Korean Lunar New Year.

Pendulum

Pendulum