“Says you who quit teaching. What are you up to lately?” Without even thinking about it, I grab a cigarette out of his pack and light it. For a moment he stares at me, then he follows my lead and lights a cigarette for himself. We look at each other in silence, then laugh.

“I opened an art studio to teach classes. Gotta pay the bills.” He hands me the card. “When you have time, come in and teach the kids, will you? I need to work on my upcoming exhibition.”

“Maybe. I’ll have to see.”

“Okay. How’s Hyunwoo. Do you guys still butt heads like before?”

“No.”

“I remembering him being on the top of the class, very smart. Didn’t he go to KAIST?”13

“No, he got accepted into Seoul University’s physics department. And he went.”

“Is that right?”

“My parents didn’t have enough money to support both of us. If I hadn’t gone to college, Hyunwoo would’ve been able to pursue what he wanted. If he hadn’t gone to Seoul, that thing wouldn’t have happened. So my parents treat me like a thorn in their sides. They think it’s my fault that Hyunwoo had to move so far away from us. That might be true. I mean I demanded to be sent to college, you know, Hyunwoo isn’t the only human with rights in this family! If I had known college was a bummer like this, I would’ve just gone to work in the factory.”

“What are you talking about? If you could both go to college, that is of course the ideal arrangement. It’s another story if you failed the college entrance exam. And Seoul isn’t that much farther away from Daejeon.” He let my silence linger for a moment. “Did something happen to you guys?”

The teacher doesn’t usually pay close attention to others, but once something captures his attention, he digs in. Nothing good comes of it but he does it, like that June my freshman year. I guess artists need to get themselves overinvolved.

“No, nothing. I’m rambling like I’ve been drinking! Sorry about that.”

I borrowed a ten-thousand-won bill from him with the promise that I would soon come by the studio to teach a class. I get the feeling that I won’t be able to deliver on the promise. My eyeballs feel like they are going to fall out. I woke up too early this morning. Today feels like it’s taking a million years to pass. When I return to being alone after meeting someone, I regret everything I said and feel deep in my bones how trivial life is. I might be a speck of paint or ink that was accidentally rubbed off on someone. My soul is evaporating.

13. Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology.

Russian Blue

Russian Blue