‘I …’ I was about to confess to the fact that I worked to blot out how empty my life was at the moment. For the last years, I hadn’t wanted balance, I’d wanted distraction, projects, to fill the hours with things to do so that I didn’t have to face the fact that I went back to a silent house and the prospect of more years alone, but I bit it back. Stuart didn’t need me having a breakdown in his office, and what could he say anyway? It was my problem. I was going to have to sort it.

‘It’s not so bad, Bea, but you have to be strong and make the changes; know when the time is right to consolidate what you have, and put your energy where it can work. It’s like someone who has been pushing the car from the inside, wearing themselves out – they have to recognize when something isn’t working, get out and push from behind.’

‘Understood.’

‘And you, are you OK? I appreciate this must be difficult for you.’

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘Anytime you need to talk things over. We’ll take a walk on the Heath and grab a coffee or something, and please don’t do anything – and I mean anything – without consulting me first.’

‘I won’t.’

‘You mustn’t worry. You’ll get through this. It’s like in a marriage, rough patches, smooth patches …’ he hesitated then looked at me intently as if weighing up whether to say more.

I looked away. I always found it hard to look Stuart straight in the eye because it awoke too many feelings in me that I knew could never be reciprocated. ‘Up and down and round and round we go. The rollercoaster that is life.’

‘And love.’

‘Love?’

Stuart shrugged. ‘I meant life …’ This time, it was Stuart who looked away. ‘Right. So … we have a plan?’

‘We do. First thing in the New Year, house on the market, sell off stock. Got it.’

‘You know I’m always here for you, don’t you?’

‘I do. And thanks.’

*