My hands wind their way around his neck and settle deep into his curls. He grips my hips and pulls my body farther into his. His kiss swallows every moan and groan out of my mouth for its own, consuming me until there’s nothing left. There is no me and him. There’s only us and this moment.

This. This is how addicts are made.

This is why I haven’t kissed a single man since the last time Kai’s lips touched mine. Why settle for a cheap substitute when nothing’s going to taste as good as your favorite drink?

A whimper escapes as his hands grab my ass and haul me up his body until my legs wrap around his waist, but the chill from the fridge door against my back is the cold shower I need to bring me crashing back down to reality.

When my eyes fly open, it’s not Kai I see but another man with good intentions and kind eyes. A man who also wanted nothing more than to fight my battles. What am I doing? What happened to Dante was devastating. If the same thing happened to Kai, I would never recover. I would never want to.

He freezes when he realizes I’ve stopped kissing him back, and the hurt on his face flays me wide open. He sets my feet on the ground and waits for them to stop wobbling before he steps back.

He’s about to speak, but if I hear his voice my resolve will crumble, so I close my eyes and put my hand up to stop him. I don’t open my eyes again until my walls are firmly back in place. My middle finger rubs against my thumb as I wave my hand in his direction.

“You do not have permission to kiss me.” I keep my head high as I storm to my room, and once I’m safely behind that door and my music is blasting to drown me out, I slam my face into my pillow and I scream. I scream and punch my mattress until my mouth goes dry and my hand grows tired.

“He kissed you?” Angie asks. Kai left the house. His stuff is still here so I’m guessing he left to put some much-needed distance between us. So I called Angie to fill her in on the clusterfuck that is my life.

“Yep.” I nod along even though she can’t see me.

“Was that your first kiss since—”