Sometimes the pain is so bad I’m afraid it’ll swallow me whole. I’m afraid I’ll want it to.

I’m sorry we didn’t get the future we planned. I’m sorry for the hurt I caused. I’ve followed your career, so I know you’re a hot-shot PT. I am so incredibly proud of you. I knew you would do it, and I know you’ll continue flourishing on your own.

I don’t expect your forgiveness, but I do hope you forget me.

Best, Olivia

July 5, 2015

Dear Kai,

It’s hilarious how you think you’re past something, and then one moment brings everything crumbling down around you.

I let you go. I swear I did.

But today, my team won the World Cup.

The World Cup. Can you believe that?

And do you know how I felt when we won?

Numb.

This was everything I’d been working towards my whole life, but when it happened, I felt nothing because all I wanted to do was run into your arms and celebrate.

I wanted to share it with you.

Ain’t that a bitch?

Maybe I’m not meant to let you go. Maybe my fate is to push you to the far back of my mind where I can’t reach you every day but where you can still pop up to remind me of my shortcomings when I start to forget.

Honestly? I’ll take it.

Love, Olivia

From there, the letters aren’t actual letters but more random notes where she shares things that made her think of me or musings about my life and what she wishes for me.

They continue until the year before her accident. The message is clear: I was never too far from her mind. She loved me even when she told herself she didn’t.

It’s enough for me.

It’s always been enough.

Epilogue Two

Olivia

“Girl, did you see your man has a big-ass sign out there that says, ‘Harding Goes Hard AF’? It’s so corny but cute.”

Of course he does. When he was back here for my pregame ritual he made no mention of a sign, but he did seem overly enthusiastic. I think he might be more excited for this game than I am.