We make it to our hotel in New York with enough time to shower and change for the show. The show is beautiful. It’s called Lost in Transformation. It centers around a girl named Amaryllis who wakes up from an accident and has no idea who she is so she starts over, and as she remembers glimpses from her past life she realizes she’s much better off this time around. The dance style screams my mother. She was always so graceful. When I watched her dance around the house, her moves were always languid and flowy. She knew how to capture an entire emotion in one movement.

I’m so engrossed in the show I almost forget why we’re here. “What do you think you’re going to say to her?” Kai asks during intermission.

“I honestly have no idea.” I search the crowd to see if I see her, but I know chances are she’s backstage with the dancers. When intermission is over, I immerse myself back into the show. I know my mom didn’t write the show but I can’t help but to compare Amaryllis to her. The life she builds for herself after her accident is beautiful. She falls in love, she finds a job she loves, friends she cares about. She creates a home. The glimpses she gets from her old life are full of nothing but pain, abuse, and loneliness. Is that how she felt with us? I never saw my father raise a hand to her, but who knows what he was doing when I wasn’t around. At this point, I would put nothing past that man. If he was abusing her, why did she leave me with him? Was that the only way she could get away? I’ve spent so much of my life hating her for leaving me behind, but now I just have so many questions. I intend to get those answers tonight.

When the show ends, the crowd heads for the exits while Kai and I make our way toward the stage. A man with two teenage kids lingers by the stage as well. The man and his son don’t capture my attention but I’m struck when the daughter turns in my direction. She looks…like me. Same eyes, same nose, same lips, same head shape. The same facial features that I get from my mom. The woman in question walks from behind the stage and into the arms of the unrecognizable man. He plants a quick but sweet kiss on her lips before stepping aside so the teens can wrap her up in a hug, and the boy presents her with flowers that make her face light up in delight.