The Apache rose higher and higher into the dark Hong Kong sky. I had one last chance to get this prick—and one last hidden blade: my complimentary Ginsu knife.

How’s that for a callback? Remember all those iconic infomercials I did, like two chapters ago? Now you know why you need to PAY ATTENTION.

My Ginsu flew through the air straight and true—so much better than a Miracle Blade—and caught Carl the Hunchback exactly where I wanted.

“Ahhh!” he shrieked. “My hump!”

The blow knocked him out of the copter and into the deep, dark depths of the South China Sea. All I could think was, “Huh, guess the fucker really did have a hunchback.”

I turned around, and standing behind me, shoulder to shoulder, gazing at me in awe, were all the gaming champions of the world. It was a pretty badass scene—the entire secret warehouse in flames, the air smelling of burning corpses and Xboxes, the Apache falling out of the sky in a gigantic fireball—no idea why it blew up, but it did, so that was cool—and the screams of the Brotherhood hoodlums echoing below us as we sent them to hell.

It was so damn beautiful. If I wasn’t so much man, I would’ve cried. But I am, so I didn’t.

“I’ll be the leader of my own global organization,” I said, looking at the mighty gang of gaming warriors. “A brand-new organization of pure awesomeness. An organization that fights for violence, speed, momentum, and merchandise royalties for all! And we’ll create the most elite competitive arena the world has ever known.”

Just Plain Usman jumped up waving his hand. “Oh! Oh! Can we call it—”

“If you say anything that even sounds like ‘the Brotherhood’…,” I growled.

He sat back down.

“Listen,” I said. “I know exactly what we’re going to call it. We’re gonna be the Champions Club.”

Everyone nodded, like “duh.” Because obviously it was the coolest name for anything anyone had ever heard in their lives.

I had it all planned out, man. I was gonna take my new treasure and build a brand-new secret headquarters for my international club. It would have this sick-ass lounge, a secret lab, lockers for all the guys, and a trophy room that would only hold my trophies and no one else’s, because, I mean, I was paying for everything. Oh! And my secret headquarters would have not one but TWO moats! And there wouldn’t just be genetically enhanced super-piranhas, I’d get mutant alligators and alien sharks and bionic electric eels too, and when I was bored I could watch them fight. Fuck yeah, that would be—

“Doc! Hey, Doc!” Just Plain Usman said.

“Dude,” I said. “I was just having the best daydream about eels and piranhas fighting in my two moats. This thing where you interrupt me is getting really annoying.”