“Yeah,” I said. “BEFORE I STAB MYSELF IN THE FUCKING EYEBALL OUT OF FRUSTRATION, we’re gonna have to move on.”

“We’ve learned that Hannn uses the KEFVGAAIR tournament as a front for his entire criminal operation—illegal gambling, money laundering, grand theft auto, murder, extortion, international arms dealing, violence, and mayhem.”

“Yeah,” I said, “I mean, I already knew they were criminals, so…”

“But,” he sputtered, “did you know how bad the crimes were?? The murder! The mayhem!”

“Yeah, gotta be honest with you, that all sounds pretty cool to me.”

“But—”

“You literally just listed my favorite things.”

“But—”

“Like a real-life version of James Bond meets Goodfellas meets all the Fast and Furious movies except Tokyo Drift.”

“But—”

Too late. I’d already closed the secret double-agent spy room/janitor closet door behind me.

“Hey, Carl the Hunchback!” I shouted as I jogged to catch up to my guide. “Hey, what kinds of crimes do you guys do, anyway?”

He shrugged as he unlocked the door to my suite. “Just the cool ones: illegal gambling, murder, extortion, international arms deals…”

“Sweet. That’s what I figured.”

I walked into the suite, and even I was impressed. We’re talking a state-of-the-art flat-screen TV so huge, so massive, and so flat that it covered one whole wall. We’re talking top-of-the-line speakers so gigantic they covered two more walls. We’re talking a bed so fucking big and luxurious it covered another wall. Yeah, it was a Murphy bed, but it was a really awesome one.

And all the other walls? We’re talking wall-to-wall-to-wall slate-black slate everywhere. That’s a lot of walls, a lot of black, and a lot of slate. Plus one big-ass mirror on the ceiling.

That’s my kind of room.

“Whoa!” I shouted as I ran over to the gigantic Murphy bed. I pushed a shiny silver button and it lowered from the wall automatically. Pretty fucking cool. “This must be, like, an experimental prototype Murphy bed, right?”

“Sure,” he said. “Doc, I shall leave you now. You’ll need your rest for tomorrow’s KEFVGAAIR. I do not think Lord Hannn will easily forget today’s… interruption.”

“It’s cool.” I grinned. “I’ll dominate.”

Carl the Hunchback bowed and closed the door behind him.

I kept pressing on the silver button over and over again—it was so much fun watching the Murphy bed go up and down!—until suddenly the damn thing broke. Instead of going down, it slid to the side, revealing the entrance to a big-ass secret industrial warehouse.

And stacks and stacks of illegal merchandise.

Crates full of Kalashnikovs and M203 grenade launchers. Piles of rigged slot machines and roulette tables. Rows of Lambos and Ferraris and Jaguars with fresh coats of paint and filed-off VINs. And bale upon bale of counterfeit currency.

I mean, what can I say?

FUCKING AWESOME!

Then I saw something else.