A’m fiercely cravin green but A’m frightened tae smoke it. A’ve rolled a joint n A’m starin at it. A’ve smoked dope fur five year noo, practically every day. A’m addicted tae it, the stronger it got the worse it got. Smokin solid hash wisnae as intense, cos the THC wis weaker. The green is super-strength noo, potent as fuck. That change wis when the bad stuff started creepin in. Yi felt it almost immediately. Cunts gittin weird, n after smokin some strains ae it, yi felt oot-ae-sorts n a bit odd. Mostly, yi just hit the munchies, scranned n went tae bed n dismissed it, but suhin wis happnin below. It wis fuckin us aw up. Cunts gittin edgy n more addicted n actin strange n no themselves. Yi hear the rumours ae cannabis psychosis n yi dismiss aw that as shite but it hus actually happened tae cunts in this very town, pure Ward 24 material. As strength goes up, dose should automatically go doon, but wae grass, it wis the opposite. The stronger it got, the more we smoked – oot every weeknight tokin like fuck, smokin mega joints n sookin buckets. Cunts wur always appearin wae rarer stuff, more exotic n super-skunk shite, a million miles fae the eld bits ae shiny hash we used tae smoke n the stuff Kenzie n Danny ir still puntin tae aw the young cunts – the soap-bar, council dope. Aw the elder cunts moved ontae green a few year ago n the eld days ae spreadin-in n smokin hash tae yi passed oot ir gone.

Five year felt nae time at all, but it wis obviously long enough tae dae damage. A’m pure frettin aboot this wee unknown episode. A’m readin on n there’s aboot a million pages dedicated tae it. Panic attacks irnae an emotional state ae being, necessarily. They’re a physical and psychological response tae external simulae, emotional issues or trauma or drug-induced, that activate the ancient fight or fight adrenal response ae yir sympathetic nervous system. Once you’ve got them, it’s a curse. Yir scared yir gonnae take wan, so yi take wan n yir stuck in a vicious circle ae fear, embarrassment n avoidance. Cos if yi feel trapped or uncomfortable, that sinkin feelin starts n yir away. Nobody knows yir sufferin, knees weak n dizzy, inside yir screamin fur help. Yi want an ambulance or somebody tae constantly reassure yi, but that only makes yi worse. Yir breaths git faster, too shallow or too deep. Yir thinkin aboot yir heartbeat n yir breathin. Things yi should dae naturally ir on yir mind. Yir countin breaths n beats. Too many or too little? Too big, too wee? BANG. Panic attack. Drivin the motor? Chest feels funny. Panic attack. Forget n think yir normal fur a second, coffee n a fag. Panic attack. Rough in the mornin after a night on the drink wae yir pals. Panic attack. Feelin too hot. Panic attack. Yir strugglin tae breathe n even yir knees feel like they’re gonnae gee way beneath yi. Chest pains. Paranoia. Heart attack? Trains, lifts, driving, loud noises, heat, sickness, stimulants, uppers, downers n hallucinogens. Aw they things make me panic noo. A’m takin them constantly this last two month. A’m malfunctionin, broken n A need fixed. Somebody fuckin help us.