A Bridge Too Far

The charity shops ir still here but they’re quiet. Aw the shops ir. They seem tae change hands constantly, an endless cycle ae shitey start-ups n wan-aff fast food takeaways n off-licences. The only businesses that ir boomin ir the chemists wae their methadone scripts, seven ae them within three streets. Aw the big shops hud long since moved away intae Glasgow n the Fort. There’s nuhin left here. The TO LET signs take the look aff the faded n dark Christmas decorations. Yir faced wae graffiti n grey shutters n dark windaes wae eternal renovations which ir never comin. Noo the big businesses huv left, aw the folk that remain ir the wans that ir trapped here, the usual street dwellers, idlers, waifs n strays. Yi huv cunts on the bru that just spend their days traipsin the streets n goin intae Farmfoods n Iceland fur their daily bacon n messages. Yi huv the poor souls anaw, disabled folk n eld pensioners oot just lookin fur a moment’s company wae the usual bored shop assistants. Junkies, alkies n neds – us, tae the ootside eye. Aw the normal folk hud been driven oot ae the town centre, fadin one by one. The rest ir stuck here, forever wheelin roon this nightmarish carousel ae degradation that used tae be a proud n thrivin market town. Any dreams ae that huv vanished.

There’s a cold sun up but the air is different n smells ae spring, release n resurrection. A’m a month aff the drugs, walkin wae ma heed held high n feelin like a new man, the best A’ve felt in a long time. Clear heed, clear thoughts. Wake up in the mornin n eat a breakfast, shower n the day is ma own. Nae lyin in a stupor in bed smokin soon as A wake up, then that endless cycle ae chasin more stuff while tryin tae pay tick upon tick. That’s aw gone n it feels like another life n A spoke a different language then, a language ae drugs n addiction that aw addicts ir fluent in.

Instead, A’ve been goin tae the gym, oot walkin n joggin in the woods, spendin time wae ma maw n cuttin the grass. Dain normal shit that wis practically unthinkable before when yi spent every day usin drugs. The dark clouds ae depression n addiction seemed tae break n roll over. A still feel mad wee panicky episodes if A forget n take any caffeine or smoke too many fags, but apart fae that, A’m on ma way back fae the edge ae ma personal abyss. A kin look people in the eye again n A feel better. Besides the feelin good, there’s plenty work still tae dae. Gettin aff is wan thing, but stayin aff is another. The social ramifications ae sittin wae mates who take drugs daily is always goin tae be hard. Cos after a while this new-found faith n freedom wid be forgotten in loneliness n yi wid yearn fur the eld days wae yir brothers n drugs as yir daily purpose. That’s the test ae any recoverin addict. Yi huv tae summon that inner strength tae keep it gawn, long-term. Moments like these, when normality is hard fought n won, it feels so fuckin precious A cannae convey. So amazin tae just be maself again n dae normal stuff n A swear A’ll never take that fur granted. A feel saved, reborn.