‘First A need tae decide where A want tae be. Not hangin around here fur long.’

‘There’s nothing here for you, I suppose.’

‘Nah, just eld friends n family.’

She laughs n shifts, almost uncomfortably. ‘Old friends eh. You seen any of the boys?’

‘Just a couple. Went tae see Tam.’

‘That doesn’t surprise me. He always liked you, know he looked after you.’

‘He wis one yi could always trust.’

‘What was he saying about you being back?’

‘The big yin wis happy tae see me. Stacey wis mad worried n tellin me tae watch maself.’

‘What do you think I’m thinking?’

‘Dunno, Monica. You tell me.’

We link eyes n she smiles. ‘I’m thinking, it’s great to see you … but don’t dare let me hear of anything happening to you. So just the summer and away? Lot can happen in a couple of months.’

‘Don’t worry aboot me! So – yi been seein anybody? Dominic?’

Monica gees us a wee wink n that smile. ‘Lecture over. Eh, nope! Me n Dominic finished about a year back, he’s away to Australia, but that wasn’t part of my plan. Not been seeing anybody for ages. Just doin my own thing.’

‘Cool,’ A say, tryin ma best tae act mega casual.

‘Better get going anyway. I’m meeting the girls in Merchant Square. Just thought I’d pop in and say hello. Maybe we’ll continue this convo another time.’ A see her oot n intae a taxi n she’s away. A bounce back up the stair n lie on ma bed n light a smoke.

Ma eld room feels different, but it hud barely been touched, like a shrine tae ma youth n the past. The big Trainspotting line-up poster is still on ma wall, orange against royal blue emulsion, a Union flag n a couple ae eld pictures ae the troops. There’s wee pea-size dents on ma walls where A hud shot eld posters wae a BB gun when A wis A wee guy. Sorry, Buffy, you wur tidy as fuck, but a decent headshot target. On the other wall, there’s a Tupac poster. The writin underneath: TUPAC SHAKUR 1971–1996, Only God Can Judge Me. Still in the corner, there’s an eld school bag ae mine, covered in mentions. Still wae AZZY W 2K4 YTP written on it. There’s the boy’s mentions on it anaw but they’re aw faded away wae rain n time.

Time and Wounds

A couldnae imagine Danny anyhin but larger than life. A don’t know wit tae expect. They said he’s in some state, paranoid n takin panic attacks, heed ruined. Yi just never know wae these kind ae things, anxiety, panic n depression. Every wan is different n hardwired intae the uniquely complicated psychology n psyche ae the sufferer. How bad it’s gonnae be is the random chemistry ae yir brain n yir external experiences ae stress n trauma, level ae substance abuse n time. These conditions latch ontae yir past, adverse childhood experiences n natural fears n possess yi like a demon tae be exorcised n dragged aff yi. If only it wis that simple.