‘How yees dain?’

‘Nearly there, mate.’

After another few minutes we’re done. The plants ir stripped tae their skeletons. We zip the tents back up n grab the bin bags, tyin big chunky knots in the black plastic. A head tae the back door wae Cheech n Chong. This is the final part ae the plan. Git the shit in the motor n git tae fuck. The adrenaline is fadin fast, ma nerves goin up in smoke, paranoia creepin in again as always, that fuckin sssnake in the dark. We bounce oot in the dark n aw jump in the motor in silence. We stick the green under the seats n pray tae fuck we don’t git pulled aff the polis wae three binbags ae stinky stuff in the motor. ‘Some buzz, troops,’ Danny says fae the front seat. Young Team in yir hoose, eatin aw yir biscuits.

Arabian Nights

The mist that’s doon makes the woods look spooky, the eld church n cemetery gothic. A’ve git ma heed buried intae ma tracky n ma Berghaus jakit zipped up tae the top. Yi used tae stoat aboot fur miles every night on these streets, woods n fields. We used tae walk doon the street n back up, walk aboot doggin it n doss around at the weekends steamin. Noo, yir lucky tae see the outside ae yir motor. A walk oot the shop wae ma maw’s message ae eggs, twenty Regal n a Daily Record. A’m half dreamin when A hear shoutin. It’s a guy n a lassie arguin. A kin barely make them oot through the mist but A kin hear them. A cross the road tae see wit’s happnin, eld Azzy boay back on patrol in the YTP.

‘A’m no goin to any casino! Fuck yir cousin’s birthday!’

‘Get in the fuckin motor, Patricia!’

‘Naw, Jamie, yi can fuck off!’

A see the back ae a gunmetal BMW n where the noise is comin fae. Looks like Patricia is seein ma eld pal JP fae the Toi after aw.

‘Jamie, A’m no goin, get to fuck!’

‘Yer no makin me look like a dick!’ He starts pullin hur back intae the motor. A walk up n they huvnae noticed me. Patricia is stumblin in heels n hus a red dress on. JP’s git a grey suit on wae light brown shoes. Never a good match. Bit hypocritical wae a fuckin tracksuit, a pair ae Air Max n a Mera Peak on, but fuck it.

‘JAMIE, GET TO FUCK!’

They’ve still no seen me. A stroll right up tae a foot before them n they both turn round n watch me sit ma eggs n paper doon on the deck. Before he gets the chance tae say otherwise, A draw back n whack him a belter ae a right. He’s dazed n fuckin stunned tae huv been hit unexpectedly wae a hammer blow, eld thunder n lightnin paws. He stumbles n falls against the 320d. A start whackin fuck oot him, gittin blood aw over his nice suit. Patricia stands back, shocked herself. ‘Young Team, ya fuckin bam!’ A’m shoutin as we wrestle by the door.