‘Well yi need tae start lookin at courses, don’t yi! They’re no gonnae come n chap the door, son. Get it sorted, cunto.’

‘Could be a plan, sir.’

‘Get a degree fuck n that’s yir golden ticket oot ae here. Nane ae us could study fuck … you’re Ricky, A’m fuckin Doughboy. Thug 4 life, eld Danny Ess.’

A breathe in the whole woods n the scent ae release n rebirth. We grew up in here, runnin aboot playin as wee guys. It felt massive then, like an unknown forest n yi hudnae explored tae the furthest reaches ae its boundaries yit. The dark mansion lay undiscovered in wait fur us till years later, protected by ghost stories ae the Grey Lady n rumours ae a rovin pack ae guard dugs. Yi wid run intae a dark bit n no recognise the trees n the settin dark wid look more menacin than usual n you’d git scared but yi ran back tae the trees yi knew n they guided yi home in the darkness like eld friends. The limit ae our imagination then wis greater than noo. We never knew aboot deprivation or sufferin. We only learned aboot aw that later. A need tae recapture that feelin ae being lost n exploring. Ma dreams huv vanished through the years ae aw this. The smell ae the soil n trees takes me back tae being that wee boy n fur a moment A’m healed n runnin wae ma pals fae the dark. A think noo A wid be grateful fur any measure ae peace away fae here. Suhin simple wid suffice, ma dreams irnae unreasonable. That wee boy that ran among the trees then should huv just kept runnin.

Changes

The last two nights A stayed wae Monica, A woke up momentarily forgettin that it wis almost over. Hur room hud slowly packed itself intae suitcases n became more bare. She’s excited n who kin blame hur? She’s gearin up tae go tae France as a graduate, movin in hur own direction, n wid make French mates n learn tae talk n think in their language. Wit wid Azzy boy dae oot there? Learn as well and fit in? Make new pals n become Johnny fuckin Onion Ring? Yi wrong a person tae tag along in their dream, cos yi don’t belong there. Ultimately, yi wid waste it, change it in unforeseen ways n alter wit it could huv been. Withoot us, she kin travel n dream uninhibited. A owe hur that much cos sometimes if yi really love somebody, the best thing tae dae is tae let them git on without yi.

Monica’s leavin tonight n A pick hur up tae take hur tae the airport. She holds ma hand a wee bit tighter on the gear stick n smokes quietly wae purpose. The trance songs flowin fae the speakers sound sadder in acknowledgement. A huvnae rehearsed this. She seems quietly confident that we wid find a way and that maybe A wid join hur oot there, when the time is right. A play ma part in this, cos A don’t want hur departure tae be a sad wan. A suspect it isnae tae be. This is hur moment n everythin she deserves fur hur hard work. A know if we did go somewhere neutral the-gither then it could work but, as always, time is against us.