In Vienna we had invited a so-called scholar to dinner with the object of his bringing us up to date on current trends in the intellectual and artistic worlds, something in which we had always taken the liveliest interest. However, instead of granting our wish to acquire a greater knowledge of philosophy, literature, and art, the scholar, a recognized professor at the University of Vienna, used our invitation for the sole purpose of enlightening us about what, in his opinion, was the bad character of that colleague of his who had recently published a book on the very subject that is the subject of our visitor’s lifelong study. The following day our guest was at the home of one of our friends who is a friend of the professor whom our guest had belittled in front of us in the coarsest manner the day before, and there he accorded his rival first place, ahead of all the others, not only as to his character but as to his scholarship as well.

Moosprugger's Mistake

MOOSPRUGGER’S MISTAKE

Professor Moosprugger said that he had gone to the West station in Vienna to pick up a colleague whom he did not know personally but knew only from correspondence. He had expected a different person from the one who actually arrived at the West station. When I drew Moosprugger’s attention to the fact that the person who arrives is always someone different from the person we expect, he got up and left simply and solely for the purpose of breaking off and abandoning all the contacts he had ever established throughout his life.

Mail

MAIL

For years after our mother’s death, the post office continued to deliver letters that were addressed to her. The post office had taken no notice of her death.

Claim

CLAIM

A man from Augsburg was committed to the Augsburg lunatic asylum merely because, throughout his life, he had claimed at every possible opportunity that Goethe’s last words were mehr nicht (no more) rather than mehr Licht (more light), something that, in the long run and as time went on, is said to have so frayed the nerves of those with whom he came in contact that they banded together to get this Augsburger, so unhappily obsessed with his claim, committed to a lunatic asylum. It is reported that six doctors refused to commit him to a lunatic asylum but that the seventh immediately arranged to have him committed. This doctor was, as I learned from the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, decorated with the Goethe badge of the City of Frankfurt for his efforts.

Comedy

COMEDY