Jo said, “Yeah, see you, Lullah. Everything will be all right. But, boy, Charlie was mad, though, wasn’t he? He must have felt like a right idiot defending you and then finding out you were a secret Cain-snogger.”

I let myself into Dandelion Cottage quietly. I could hear snoring and crept up the wooden stairs to my squirrel room.

What a night.

I didn’t know which was the worst bit: Charlie being angry with me after we’d had our special slow dance or Cain being so sneering and mean.

And humiliating me in public.

Now everyone knows.

That night I had a weird dream.

I dreamed I was Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, only I was half horsey, well, the leggy parts, and I was cantering about, kicking stuff with my horsey legs.

And Charlie appeared in a white frilly shirt and jodhpurs. He said, “It’s all right, Kate, I’ve got a big shrew and it’s got your name written all over it.” And he showed me the shrew and it had “Kate” written on it in black felt-tip.

He said, “Let’s eat it together.” And he put one end of the shrew in my mouth and the other end in his mouth. And we both started crunching. It was quite a crunchy shrew.

Then Cain appeared in a cavalier’s hat and black mask like a highwayman. He got his sword out and chopped the shrew in half so that Charlie was left with half a shrew in his mouth. But it wasn’t dead—it was just looking at me with its little beady eyes.

Then it winked.

The church bells of doom

I WOKE UP ON Sunday to the bells of doom. Well, the church bells.

The Dobbinses looked in on me on their way to church but I pretended to be asleep. It was cozy in my squirrel bed and maybe, if I stayed in it for the rest of my life, no one could get me. No one could humiliate me when I was safe in my . . .

There was a stomping up the stairs and Ruby clattered through the door with Matilda. She got into bed with me and shouted, “Boy, are you an IDIOT!”

She still had her coat and boots on. I said, “How do you know?”

She said, “Everyone knows. They’ll probably mention it in church. So tell me the details.”

After I told her, she looked at me with her mouth open.

“Well, I’ll go to the bottom of our stairs. So let me get this, you tongue-tangled with Cain. And you nivver said. And Cain told in front of everybody and Charlie got the hump. Boy, you are an idiot.”

I said, “You’ve said that already.”

“Yeah but you’re a double idiot. Have a jelly bean.”

Actually, it was a relief to talk to Rubes. I said, “I’ll have to leave Dother Hall.”

Ruby was sucking her jelly bean to get it as small as it would go, but she said, “Dun’t worry, nobody’s that bothered. I bet no one will mention it. It’ll be old news by now.”