Back The Taming of the Tights Save as PDF
Contents ( 33)
  1. Dedication
  2. Contents
  3. Filling my tights again
  4. Lullah’s Lululuuuve List
  5. Return of the lunatic twins
  6. Snogs ahoy!
  7. The Blubberhouses Large Ladies Who Pole Dance for Fun Society
  8. Boy Ambush
  9. You don’t want to do any more winking back
  10. The fire escape of desire
  11. I’ve eaten snail shells
  12. Snogging and Jazzles
  13. The magic of puppetry
  14. Return of the beast in trousers
  15. See you there, cheeky miss
  16. My inner snogger
  17. Naughty bumberskite
  18. The church bells of doom
  19. Should I put nail varnish on my hoofs?
  20. The Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite
  21. He’s got the right amount of lip
  22. Praise the knees!
  23. Fir-cone earrings and knitted onesies
  24. The Taming of the Tights
  25. The Corker-Holding with Winter Socks scene
  26. Georgia’s Ace Gang Snogging Scale
  27. Tallulah’s glossary
  28. Back Ads
  29. About the Author
  30. Books by Louise Rennison
  31. Credits
  32. Copyright
  33. About the Publisher

I sat at the back.

Oh no! As I looked through my rap lyrics, I thought, Will Dr. Lightowler somehow guess that my rap is about her?

She’s very sensitive to owly issues.

Maybe I should say that I’d left it at home.

As I thought that she turned her head all the way round to me and said, “You have done your homework, haven’t you, Tallulah? Or didn’t you think it applied to you?”

It’s almost like she has extrasensory inner hearing through her eyes, like she can see what I’m thinking. I said, “No, I have done it.”

She looked at me through her glasses and said, “No, I have done it . . . ?”

I said again. “No, I have done it, Dr. Lightowler.”

I could feel my cheeks burning. Vaisey squeezed my hand. Flossie looked cross-eyed at me, and Jo did a secret throat-cutting sign.

Vaisey sang a song she had made up about life and love and music. It was called “My Heart Can Sing” and she played a little tune on the guitar. Dr. Lightowler said her guitar playing showed promise.

Tilly did a quite dramatic dance about escaping to the circus. She ended by doing the splits. Dr. Lightowler said it was “accomplished and athletic.”

Flossie sang “Take me back to the Black Hills, the Black Hills of Dakota, to the beautiful Indian country that I love.” She had a little whip that she cracked.

Dr. Lightowler asked her what emotion she was revealing and Flossie said very seriously, “Well, Dr. Lightowler, I know you’ve traveled extensively in the United States. You know the longing for freedom. The heat and the passion, the young men cooped up in the . . .”

Dr. Lightowler said, “Yes, yes, Flossie, I do understand. Again, beautifully sung, your voice is very strong . . . you’ve obviously been tuning your instrument. Well done.”

Eventually it was my turn. Dr. Lightowler said, “Now I think we’re ready for you, Tallulah Casey. What delights do you have to show us? Is it the usual Irish dancing?”

I said, “No, erm, well, it’s a rap.”

Dr. Lightowler looked at me. Then she winked. She closed one eye anyway. Maybe she thought that was what rappers did.

Maybe they did.

So I winked back.

I heard an intake of breath from the Tree Sisters.

Dr. Lightowler said, “What on earth do you think you are doing?”

I said, “Well, I winked at you.”

She said, “Why?”

I felt how a mouse feels just before a big owl gobbles up its head. Was she literally going to bite my head off?

So I said, “Er . . . it’s part of the rap . . . performance.”

She shook herself and said through clenched teeth, “And what is your ‘rap’ about, Tallulah Casey?”

I said in a small voice, “Well, it’s about anger and loneliness, but expressed in a . . . in a . . .”

Dr. Lightowler twitched her head. “In a WHAT?”