lawks-a-mercy

“Crikey” but longer.

loosey-goosey

You know. All floppy. Like a floppy—er—goose.

manky pillock

“Manky” means “smelly,” and “pillock” . . . well, “pillock” is a combination of “dunderwhelp” and “barm pot” with just a hint of the “garyboy.”

mardy bum

Someone who is so bad-tempered and “mardy” that even their bottom is annoyed.

Like Beverley when she found out that although she was engaged to Cain (she bought her own ring), he had two other girlfriends.

Which is why she flung herself in the river.

And ruined her dress because the river was only two inches deep.

Mummers play

Not a mummy’s play, which is what I thought at first. Because a mummy’s play would be quite dull. People all wrapped up in bandages and dead.

No, a Mummers play was in medieval times, when actors would dress up in rags with their faces painted blue and go into pubs to entertain people.

They would do this by pretending to fight and hit the audience over the head with sheep’s bladders.

Much like The Blind Pig at the weekend.

nobbliness

I’m on firmer ground here.

Nobbly bits are usually bony bits that look, well, nobbly.

I have loads of it.

In the knee area.

northern grit

Umph and determination. If you say to a northern person:

“Don’t go out in that storm, you barm pot. The rain is coming down so hard you will be reduced to half your height.”

The Northerner would say:

“What rain?”

And go out in his underpants.

plectrum

Surely you know what a plectrum is? How do you pluck your guitars in America? And I know you do pluck a lot of guitars because I’ve seen old repeats of Bonanza and Dallas.

But I will explain . . . it’s that bit of plastic stuff that you hold in your fingers to stroke the strings so that you don’t chip your nail polish.

quakebottom

Someone who is so nervous and frightened that even their bottom is shaking.

rufty tufty

tough (tuf)

and

rough (ruf)

and ty (ty)

sjuuuge

When toddlers don’t have many teeth (or brains) they can’t say words properly. So this means “huge.”

Either that or they do know how to say “huge” and are just being annoying.

Maybe toddlers can really secretly talk from birth.

I bet they can read as well.

They are just having a laugh.

And being lazy.

snogging scale

Cousin Georgia has a snogging scale from one-quarter to ten.

She told me about it when I visited her last holidays.

She finally wrote it down for me and I have included it for you here.

splice the mainbrace

A bit like “Swab the poop deck!”

A nautical term of astonishment.

Like “Shiver my timbers” and “Left hand down a bit.”

yarooo!

“Hurrah” only spelled wrong.

Yeppity doo dah

I think this can be laid firmly at the feet of the American nation.

It was the Americans who invented a song called “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah,” and because that made little sense we now say “Yeppity doo dah.”