Eventually Mr. Barraclough shouted, with a pie in each hand, “Shut it, lads, I’ve got an announcement. Our thespian friends are about to prance around like fools for our entertainment.”

And Gudrun said, “Yes, yes, thank you. I proudly present our inspirational headmistress, Ms. Sidone Beaver, as Petruchio and our revered theatrical tutor, Monty de Courcy, as Kate, in our own Dother Hall version of the war of the sexes. Lovers reunited at last!”

Everyone shouted and whistled and The Iron Pies played a bit of “The Long and Winding Pie” as Sidone and Monty entered the clearing.

Sidone was wearing a flouncy shirt and breeches and a small beard, and Monty was in a crinoline and curly wig. They hid behind different trees and began a speech from The Taming of the Shrew.

They began uniting the love immediately, which involved a lot of Sidone grasping Monty roughly around the waist and clasping him to her flouncy shirt. Monty looked thrilled.

One of the village lads yelled out, “You lucky, lucky man, she’s GORGEOUS!” Monty held his fan to his face and adjusted his crinoline. His Inner Woman was quite literally bursting out.

At the end of the wedding scene, Sidone trapped Monty against Bob’s drum kit in a final embrace. The audience were cheering and whistling, but Bob shouted, “Cool your boots, dudes!” And leapt out to protect his kit.

The lads from The Blind Pig practically fell over they were laughing so much as Sidone and Monty bowed for about ten minutes.

I was laughing with my Tree Sisters. Still no sign of Charlie.

Then The Jones, well, Ruben and Jack, joined in with The Iron Pies for “Sky-pie” and “From Russia with Pies.” Matilda’s backing dancing was . . . er . . . mostly Ruby moving Matilda’s front legs to the rhythm. The ra-ra skirts and caps looked nice, though.

Then there was a fashion show of day-to-evening foraging wear, featuring the leaf-hat parade modeled by the Little Foragers Club and the fir-cone earrings and conker wear modeled by Dibdobs and the Blubberhouses Large Ladies Who Pole Dance for Fun Society. Harold made a guest appearance in a pair of moss trousers, which clearly weren’t going to last the night.

In between acts, Flossie and Jo as the jesters entertained the crowd with tights juggling and random acts of violence. Jo caught Mr. Legge a glancing blow with her rubber dumbbells. And knocked him into the sheep-poo sculptures.

And then it was time for me and Vaisey to do our Shrew Rap battle.

As we waited to go on, I said to Vaisey, “Charlie’s still not here. I really wanted him to see me do something good.”

Vaisey squeezed my hand. And then we were on.

Dr. Lightowler came out of the shadows to watch. Bob and Jack started a beat on the same drums.

Flossie shouted, “Here’s hard man Petruchio!”

Vaisey swaggered about in her tights and mustache. She was quite scary for someone who is actually a very nice person. The crowd whooped.