The Bottomlys and Hinchcliffs started to leave.

Well, so that’s that.

Vaisey said to Ruby as we walked out of the churchyard, “Do you think that’ll be it now? You know, like us all living in peace, peace and goodwill to others. Forgive and forget. Love thy neighbors. Treat others as you would wish to be treated?”

Ruby said, “Don’t be thick, Vaisey.”

We went back to The Blind Pig for tea and Ruby told us that Matilda is going to be The Iron Pies’ backing dancer. She said, “I’ll show you her costume. Don’t look until I’ve put it on her, then you’ll get the full effect.”

Matilda had got stuck under the bed because she didn’t seem to like her costume, so I was mostly talking to Ruby’s bottom as she tried to pull her out.

“Matilda! It’s nice—you’ll like it. You like your dark glasses and your leather hat.”

Ruby eventually dragged Matilda out. Vaisey and I looked at Matilda in her backing dancer outfit. I said, “I don’t know for sure, but I think this might contravene some European animal rights act.”

Surely it’s wrong to dress a dog in a ra-ra skirt. Even if it is very, very funny. And has matching booties.

Return of the beast in trousers

THE NEXT DAY AT Dother Hall, Flossie said that Jo has got a special kicking tree in the back garden plot that she goes to about every half an hour. No sign of the Woolfe boys; it looks like they’ve all still been kept under strict surveillance.

This afternoon we have a “clown workshop” with Blaise Fox. At last my time to shine. Time to show what I am made of theatrically to someone who appreciates me!

The notices we had in our pigeonholes from Blaise gave us an outline of the clowning workshop.

Everyone has an “Inner Clown” struggling to get out. In this workshop you will discover your clown. Bring big hankies as there may well be a lot of crying.

Flossie said, “I thought clowns were supposed to make you laugh.”

I said, “They don’t make me laugh, but then I don’t like being chased by someone in big shoes with a feather duster.”

Vaisey said, “I don’t know what an ‘Inner Clown’ is. I don’t know that I’m a clowny sort of person. Do clowns have curly hair and turny-up noses? Is that what Blaise means?”

She was genuinely thinking about her Inner Clown.

Jo put her arm round Vaisey. “You’re a bit mixed up—it’s this cold weather and the snow in the lavatory. Your curly hair and turny-up nose is your OUTER Clown. What you must find is the clown that lurks about inside you.”

There was a honking noise and Blaise came into the class in a mustache and black lederhosen. She was pointing a stuffed fish at us. She yelled, “Don’t argue with zer Fischen!!!”

So Blaise’s Inner Clown is a mad German fishmonger.

Blaise had brought in an enormous box full of props and wigs, false noses, mustaches, and fake fur. Also there was another big box that had tambourines and those horns that you press and they go parp parp, and big rubber hammers and ladders, buckets, paintbrushes, traffic cones, and all sorts. We started riffling through the boxes.