‘Before I left London and moved to Wareham, it felt like a logical step to change our names for a fresh start. I can’t remember making the decision for me to become Rachel, and for Grace, sorry Holly, to become Jessica. On some level I must have realised their surname was too distinctive, that it might have been recognised. So I altered it slightly from Faisal to Farnborough. From the moment we moved into our new flat, we became Rachel and Jess Farnborough. Just a single mum and her daughter making a new start alone. It felt natural.

‘Once I made the change, it was easier to slip into the role I’d cast for myself than to dwell on my real past. It felt less stressful somehow. As Rachel, I was the victim rather than the perpetrator, which was easier to live with. People tend to feel sorry for the victims.’

‘You didn’t tell anyone about being a victim until you confided in Matt last year,’ Jenny observes.

‘I know. I couldn’t bring myself to speak about it. I only met Matt a couple of weeks after moving to Wareham, and I didn’t want to talk about my past – not the real version or the imagined version. So I skirted over it all.’ My fingertips trace over the rough grain of the bench. It could do with sanding down.

‘How are things with Matt now?’

An image of Matt inserts itself into my brain and I want to sob for the loss of him. For how much I’ve hurt him. ‘He won’t bring Jess or Charlie to see me. He won’t tell me what’s happened to her. I don’t even know if she’s been told her true identity, or whether she’s been reunited with her birth parents. I feel so bad for him – having to deal with all that by himself.’

‘He’ll have help – social services and the like.’

‘But still. It must be hellish. Jess is his daughter too. Maybe not biologically, but where it matters…’ I’m crying again. How can one person cry so many tears? I lost my Grace, and now I’ve lost Jess and Charlie too. Three of my babies that I’ll never be able to care for again. Okay, I know Jess was never truly mine, but she still feels like mine. I cuddled her, kissed her, bathed her, laughed with her. I know her. And whatever happens from now on, I believe I was a good mother to her. We had a beautiful relationship.