I still hadn’t moved from the kitchen. There was a part of me that could relate to Kira’s outpouring of emotion. I’d felt the same way about Mark when I was her age. Your emotions are so big when you’re a teenager, so powerful. It’s as though they’re a violent storm, sweeping you from one day to the next. My worst fear was that Mark would realize that he could do better and dump me. I want to shake my eighteen-year-old self now. That wasn’t fear. It’s not until you have children that you truly know what fear is. After Jake was born I had to stop watching the news because the world seemed so terrifying. What chance did I have of keeping my tiny baby son safe when there was danger around every corner? How the hell was I supposed to protect him from that?

I’ve found the album with Mickey Mouse on the outside that’s full of photos of us and the kids at Disneyland Paris. I’ve also found the blue, slightly battered album with photos of Jake as a baby, crammed full of images of his tiny, soft shape, taken from every conceivable angle. There’s Jake and me in the hospital bed, Jake in the pram for his first walk, Jake having a cuddle with Granny, Granddad hanging Jake upside down by his ankles, Jake in the bath, Jake going down a slide. It’s as though we captured every waking moment of the first year of his life.

There’s a similar album for Billy, with a pale green cover, but there aren’t as many photos. I swore we wouldn’t be one of those families that take fewer photos of the second child but, with Jake to look after too, I didn’t have the time to luxuriate in Billy’s first smile, his first word, his first step. Now I wish I’d recorded every single second of his life.

All the photo albums are here apart from the one I’m looking for, the grey album crammed with the children’s school photos: staged poses and watery backdrops, the only way to distinguish one year from the next the number of teeth showing in Jake and Billy’s rictus grins.

Where is it?

Perhaps Mark took it? The police requested photos of Billy after we reported him missing but I was in no state to help so he took charge.

I try ringing him but it goes straight to answerphone. Do I keep looking or wait until he gets home? That’s if he does come home.