Sonia reads the fear on my face and holds up a hand. ‘It’s okay. Don’t be scared. These periods of temporary amnesia, or fugues as they’re often called, can last anything from hours to days to months. Sometimes people build whole new lives for themselves, just like Agatha did. And they have no idea who they used to be. That’s why it’s so disorientating when you come out of a fugue – your sense of identity completely changes.’

I clutch the ball of damp tissue in my hand. ‘It was like waking up in a nightmare. I didn’t know if I was awake or asleep. I was terrified.’

‘Of course you were. Typically, someone who suffers from a fugue will feel distressed and confused and will develop feelings of shame, guilt, depression and anger after it ends. You mentioned briefly that you spoke to the receptionist at the B&B after you came round from your first episode. What kind of emotions did you experience then?’

I don’t have to try very hard to conjure up his ginger moustache, straining shirt and the clipboard he kept just out of reach.

‘It’s okay, Claire.’ Sonia stares at my hand, the skin stretched tight over the knuckles. ‘I know it’s hard, reliving those memories, but there’s nothing you can’t share with me.’

‘I felt angry,’ I say. ‘Violent. I wanted to snatch his clipboard and beat him over the head with it because he was being so slow. I felt like he was doing it deliberately to stop me from finding Billy.’ I pause. ‘See, I knew you’d be shocked.’

Sonia’s earrings sway from side to side as she shakes her head. ‘I’m not the slightest bit shocked, Claire. Have you felt violent towards anyone else since?’

I look her straight in the eye. ‘Yes.’

‘Have you acted on those feelings?’

‘I kicked the cyclist, the one I opened the door onto. I thought he was going to hurt me.’

She doesn’t comment; instead she nods for me to continue.

‘Could I …’ I pause, unsure whether I can bring myself to ask the question that has been haunting me since my second blackout.

‘What is it, Claire?’

‘When I … when I came round the second time, I had a vision of Billy lying on the bonnet of my car. He was dead. I thought I’d run him over but I couldn’t have. The windscreen wasn’t shattered, the car wasn’t damaged and there wasn’t …’ I swallow . ‘… there wasn’t any blood.’

‘And you’re worried you may have had something to do with Billy’s disappearance? You think you may have done something you can’t remember?’

I press my fingernails into my palms to stop myself from crying and nod sharply.

‘Claire,’ Sonia says softly. ‘You were at your mum and dad’s house when Billy went missing.’