If she knew – God, if she knew what had happened it would destroy her altogether. She deserves to believe she did the best she could for me all those years ago when I was left in his care.

For the first time ever, I’m grateful for my grandfather’s dementia. None of this can touch him now. But my poor granny.

She wraps her arms around me. Everything about her embrace screams comfort and security. The familiar smell of her talcum powder, the softness of her jumper. The feel of her skin, warm and soft. I let her rock me and I revel in the kisses she places on my head, and how she tells me that everything will be okay over and over again.

‘You poor pet,’ she soothes. ‘You’ve not had it easy, but you have to focus on the good things now. On Alex and that wee baby of yours. Don’t be fretting on behalf of your grandad or me. We’ve been through enough battles to know we’ll win the war as long as we have each other.’

Her words should soothe me completely, of course, but all I can think is just how awful all this is. I’m not going to let them get away with this. Ciara is not going to get away with this. I’ve had enough.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Heidi

Now

Guilt, or a sense of duty, or a sense of not wanting to make things worse with Alex, brings me back to Marie’s house. I’ve been AWOL for two hours, enough time for the small number of mourners who came back to the house to have had their fill of tea and sandwiches and gone home.

I’ve seen our car outside, so I know Alex is there. He will be angry with me. I know that. Angry and worried. I’ve seen the missed calls on my phone, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him back. What I need to say to him can’t be said over the phone.

I’m sure I hear Alex’s voice from the living room, so I pop my head around the door. Two sets of eyes, neither of them belonging to my husband, stare back at me.

‘Are you feeling better?’ a woman with a mass of messy red curls and too much make-up on her face asks me.

I don’t know who she is. I nod and thank her for her concern.

I hear Alex again, realise his voice is coming from the kitchen, so I walk that way.

‘I don’t know why she would say that,’ I hear Ciara say.

Her voice is thick with emotion. I press myself close to the wall to listen, even though there is no way they would be able to see me from where I am anyway.

‘I know this is really distressing,’ I hear Kathleen speak. ‘But try not to let it, or her, annoy you. The poor girl hasn’t had it easy. Losing her mum so early. And whether we like it or not, Joe was the only father she ever knew, so here she is without the pair of them and with a new baby to deal with, too. She might be finding it very hard to cope.’