‘Not until they have pinned the blame on someone, it won’t,’ I say, wiping my face again, wincing at the pain of my raw skin.

‘We can leave,’ he says, hoping I’ll agree. ‘We can leave them to their wake and their funeral. We don’t have to be a part of this.’

I pause and look at him, seriously considering it for a moment, but I realise it wouldn’t solve anything.

‘We can’t do that,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘If they suspect me now, won’t that just be giving them, and everyone else, reason to suspect me even more?’

‘I don’t care,’ he hisses. ‘I really don’t care any more what they think of you or us or any of it. This whole thing, everything, is so toxic. It’s eating at us. I can’t sleep and I know you’re not sleeping, either. I don’t want to be near them and I certainly don’t want them anywhere near Lily. She doesn’t deserve to be caught up in all this.’

‘People will talk. People outside of here.’

‘Maybe it’s time they talked,’ he says, and I’m suddenly just so tired.

I feel as if I’m hanging on to my sanity by a thread and little else.

‘What do you mean?’ I ask him.

There’s something in his expression that I can’t quite read. He looks at me, opens his mouth to speak but stops.

‘Alex, what do you mean?’ I ask him.

‘Nothing,’ he shrugs. ‘Nothing.’

He pauses, looks to Lily and then back to me. ‘We’ll wait until he’s brought home and then can we just get away from here for a bit? I think I need us to get away from here for a while.’

He looks defeated, and maybe that’s because in that moment we are defeated. I realise I’m shaking and I long for him to wrap his arms around me but I don’t want to ask him to. I want him to know instinctively that is what I need. If he hugs me, I tell myself, I’ll know we’ll be okay. Us two, our little family unit. We’ll at least make it through this and no amount of lies will change that.

‘I love you,’ I whisper.

He sighs, shakes his head as if he’s having a conversation with himself that isn’t going the way he hoped, and reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. It’s not a hug but it will have to do for now.

‘I love you too, but I worry about you, Heidi,’ he says. ‘I’m worried about you now.’

I nod. I’m worried about me, too. We’re disturbed by the sound of the doorbell downstairs. I stand up and peek out of the window to see a hearse pulled up, a small group of nosy neighbours and an unmarked police car not far behind. Out of it steps DC King and DI Bradley, both wearing serious expressions on their faces.

My chest tightens.

Chapter Forty-Two

Heidi

Then

The messages kept coming. Mostly late at night. Mostly at the weekend. I tried calling the number back a couple of times, but it just rang out until an automated, factory-set voicemail message told me the person I was calling was not available just now.