What was I supposed to say to that? I didn’t have some big plan or grand passion that I wanted to follow. I wouldn’t let myself have something like that. And I couldn’t tell Ruby why having a plan seemed kind of pointless under the circumstances.

“Not as many things as you do,” I joked.

Ruby smiled, but she didn’t say anything. She waited for me to say more. That was normal. This was a totally normal conversation. It’s all anyone had talked about for a year at school. What have you applied for, what do you want to do, etc.? They never tired of it because even though everyone had asked everyone, the point was never to find out what someone else was doing, but to talk about what you wanted to do.

I didn’t get the feeling that was why Ruby asked. I was going to have to give her something else. I could do that, though. It wasn’t breaking the rules. Maybe just nudging them a bit to see if they had any give.

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“I feel like that too.”

“You feel like that because everything sounds like a good idea to you.” Ruby considered every career that came up, even in casual conversation, as a possibility; she saw potential everywhere. I wasn’t like that. “Nothing sounds like a good idea to me.” I realized as the words were tumbling out of my mouth that it sounded terribly close to a maudlin admission of my true feelings, and that was dangerously close to having a deep and meaningful conversation that I was not supposed to have. Not if I wanted to stick to my rules. And I did, of course. Because they were working.

Ruby took my hand and rubbed her thumb along my palm.

“No, I feel like that because—” Then she paused and turned my hand over to look at it. “You have a scar here,” she said, surprised. “How have I not noticed that before?”

It was pretty well hidden, as it followed the crease of my hand. I’d even tried holding my own hand to see if you could feel it that way and you couldn’t.

“Well. There’s a story,” I said, clutching at the opportunity to change the subject. “See, I ran into a burning building.”

“Uh-huh.” Ruby rolled her eyes.

“No, I did. To save some kittens.”

“Kittens, you say.”

“Yep. Your favorite. And orphans. You like orphans? I’m a goddamn hero.”

“And you just got one long scar on your hand in this brave rescue?”

“Yeah, I’m a hero and also super flame retardant. What can I tell you?”

“How about you tell me something real for a change?”