“YOU’RE A WANKER, NUMBER NINE!” I yelled the famous line from Imagine Me & You with as much volume as I could muster in my exerted state. My stomach turned over and I mentally crossed everything I could, hoping that Ruby would open the window. Maybe it didn’t take long, but it felt like forever before she did and her head appeared in the open space. Her phone was in her hand, but I knew Oliver had already ended the call. He had another job to attend to.

“What are you doing?” She swatted a wasp away from her face.

“I’m just a girl,” I panted. Then I doubled over with a stitch and held my index finger up in a “just a minute” gesture. I retched a little. Was this working out? I stood upright after a few seconds and forced the words out through labored breaths.

“I’m just. A girl. Standing in front. Of another girl, asking her. To please accept. This grand. Gesture. As an apology for being an absolute gobshite.” My breathing eased back to normal(ish) and I pushed the hairs escaping from my ponytail out of my face. Ruby raised both her eyebrows skeptically.

“The thing is,” I continued, all my nerves jangling. My voice was shaking, but I attempted my best posh English accent. “Sorry, I just, um, eh, this is a really stupid question, and par-particularly in view of our recent argument, but, uh, I just wondered if by any chance, um, uh, I mean obviously not because I am just some git who’s only slept with no people, but I—I just wondered uh, I—I really feel, um, in short, uh, to recap in a slightly clearer version, uh, in the words of Heath Ledger—” At this point music blared abruptly from Oliver’s iPhone speakers as a backing track and I finished my sentence with a warbled I LOVE YOU BAAAABY and the entire chorus of “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You.” When I got to the end, I looked down, and right on time, Oliver handed me the old cassette player from our box of junk and a set of white A3-size cards. He scooted away and I braced myself. A couple of seconds later the water hit. Just out of Ruby’s eyeline he stood with a hose, sprinkling me as though it was raining. I pressed play on the cassette, and though I couldn’t hold it aloft, it played “In Your Eyes.” I flipped over my cards.

I realize this is taking a long time now. So I have to do some combination grand gesturing here.

I love the way you wear the kind of weird outfits you only see on Pinterest.

I love the way you flip your hair back and forth when you’re nervous.