In my head, this evening with Ruby would look like something from Pinterest, where I would get loads of fairy lights and build a makeshift fort out of bohemian blankets. In reality, I could not figure out how on earth you were meant to make the blankets stay up. I tried using the boxes, but I didn’t have any big enough throws; the whole structure kept sagging in the middle. I didn’t have any fairy lights either so I got some from the pound shop, but then when I went to put batteries in them I remembered I’d packed the batteries with other junk drawer stuff, and I was not going back out to the shop. Instead, I put all the pillows I could find on my bed, pushed the stacks of boxes and bin liners full of crap to one side, and set my laptop on a chair.

“There’s like no kissing in this movie, you know,” Ruby pointed out. “What kind of romantic comedy has barely any kissing?”

We were squished together on my bed and she was curled under my arm. She had a little pile of Maltesers resting on my stomach, which was periodically depleting.

“A gay one. The bit at the football match where she teaches her to scream at number nine? That should have been a kiss moment. At least in this she doesn’t go back to men in the end.”

Hard side-eye to Kissing Jessica Stein.

“Sure, but there had to be a man in there somewhere. Even though Matthew Goode is adorable, I want one where the character isn’t realizing she’s gay because of the cute girl she met. I mean, she’s thirty—are you telling me she’s never met a girl before? Never even thought about it? She seems so shocked by the whole thing.”

“That happens in real life, though,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, I know, but I wish there was a big Hollywood movie about girls who already know they like girls. There are no blokes in the way and preferably it stars Kristen Stewart. Yes, she has sexual tension with every woman in every film, but I want it to be there in the script, you know?”

“You feel very strongly about this,” I said. “Maybe that’s your future career.”

“What?”

“Write scripts. You don’t even have to wait for university to start doing that. You could be the gay Nora Ephron.”

Ruby raised her eyebrow. “Nora Ephron?”

“I know stuff now,” I said defensively. At least I was capable of googling.