I’m safely ensconced back in my room now, still in my robe, my hair wrapped in a towel, wondering if I skipped dinner entirely if my family would freak out. Probably. They’d assume I was sleeping which, yeah, sounds nice right now, but really I just want to hang out in here and text Damien. But it’s probably not worth the fight I’d have with them—I should just go down and face the music, try to pretend like this afternoon never happened.

January 15th, 2017

Dear Mark,

I think I made a friend today.

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s not like my track record with “friends” is anything to boast about. But Rose is cool—she didn’t judge me, didn’t push me too hard on anything I was telling her … she just believed me. It actually reminded me a bit of how you first—

I know you probably wouldn’t believe this, but I actually do want to help her. I’m not sure I can, but I might as well try. What else do I have to do?

Should I feel bad about lying to her? I mean, it really was a lie of omission—I let her believe what she wanted to believe. That the reason that my power is gone is Wadsworth’s serum, her self-administered vaccine. I wish. I wish Wadsworth had given it to me, that I was immune to you. Even though I know it’s not just your ability that I’m not

I just didn’t think she’d have kept talking to me if I had told her the whole truth. Losing my power because I got beaten so badly by a seventeen-year-old who was just trying to protect his boyfriend … I know I fucked up. Trying to use Adam as leverage … I know it was wrong, okay? And I think not telling Rose the truth is wrong too, but I can’t figure out why. It’s not hurting her to not know. I can still try to help her without her knowing everything about me. I don’t have my power, I can’t manipulate her.

Fuck, this is hard. This is why I need to talk to you. I don’t know how to be good. I think I could have learned from you. But I fucked that up too.

JANUARY 19TH, 2017