I wanted to come back. To see you again. Sam said that you were having a hard time and before I knew what I was doing, I was getting into my car and driving east. That has to mean something, right? That I wanted to come back? But I know you don’t want me there. So I’m just sitting in my car, writing this letter that you’ll never see. I don’t even have most of the other letters anymore. The AM kept them, the ones that I wrote when I was there.

You know what Sam said to me on the phone today? Oh man, you would be so pissed at her. She called me worried about you. Wanting to know how it worked when you took over my power, like I had any fucking idea at all. She said she wants to “protect” you. I wish she could, but I don’t think your girl there has that within her powers. Your sister couldn’t, I couldn’t, why would Sam be able to?

But that’s not the fucking hilarious part, though her calling me behind your back to try and dig up dirt on you definitely gave me a little rush. I don’t want bad things for you, Mark, but god, I hope that blows up in her face. I hope you see that she’s not perfect either, that maybe no one is perfect and we should all just cut one another some slack.

Anyway, the crazy thing Sam said was, well, she said:

“We’re in love with the same man. I think that’s enough in common without calling us friends.”

I bet you’d like to know what I said in response, huh? I don’t know, maybe you wouldn’t care. Maybe my answer doesn’t make a difference to you. It doesn’t matter anyway. I didn’t have a response for her.

I’ve spent a lot of the past month wondering if leaving really was the right thing to do. I wanted to respect your wishes, wanted to give you space, wanted to … I don’t know, punish myself, I guess. I’m really lost, man. Maybe that’s why Rose and I clicked so fast. Maybe that’s why you and I clicked so fast. I mean, it’s different, obviously. The way I feel about you is something I didn’t hurt Rose as much as I hurt you.

We’re all just going to keep hurting one another, aren’t we? Sam is gonna hurt you, and Rose is gonna hurt her family, and I’m gonna blow into some other town and break everything like I always do. I’m just a storm moving from coast to coast and I don’t know when I’m gonna run out of steam.

Something has to break the cycle.

APRIL 11TH, 2017

BOY has it been a weird twenty-four hours.