And that was when I woke up screaming bloody murder. I even woke up the person in front of me who had been sleeping soundly and I must have scared her so much by yelling in her ear, because I could see tears on her face once my eyes adjusted to the waking world. I looked around me and saw wide, scared eyes staring at me, everyone trying to press themselves into the seats and walls of the bus to get as far away from me as physically possible. So I got up, shouted something at the driver, who opened the door to let me out, and now I’m here, sitting on a bench, trying to get my breath back.

I don’t know that I’ve ever had a dream like that before. It felt so real. Like I really was at home in bed, waking slowly from sleep, then waking very suddenly as something—someone—came into my room and began to suffocate me. I felt so helpless. I thought I was going to die. Then, when I woke up, I thought that maybe I had hurt someone. I’ve checked my arms and legs and neck for scratches, but everything seems to be normal. Whatever that means now.

I don’t think I have a handle on this anymore. Are my parents right? Is this an Atypical ability manifesting? There’s a pit in my stomach at the thought. What if I’m like my mom—a precognate—and I’ve somehow seen a vision of something that’s going to happen to me?

But … now that I’ve written it all out … I mean, kids in the house? What am I talking about? I’m not sure I was … me in the dream. Is that normal? Maybe that’s something I should ask my doctor about, when I do finally actually go to see her. Or maybe I can go to Readit like Aaron seems to do with every single problem he has and see if anyone on there has any ideas.

Also, our floorboards don’t creak. At least the ones in my bedroom don’t. Reading what I wrote and doing my best to remember that dream, I don’t think it was my bedroom. Which would make sense, if it wasn’t me to begin with. I already feel like half a person sometimes, or two people—making myself as palatable to my extraordinary family as I can, while trying to be true to the person I want to be … and now I’m not even me in my own dreams? How is that fair?

Oh. Also. I fell asleep before finishing my last entry in here. It hardly seems as important now, but …

Emily said yes.

SEPTEMBER 10TH, 2016