I hadn’t talked to Mark since the other week at Sam’s. I’d texted a bit with Caleb still, and thanked Sam for having me over, passing pleasantries back and forth before the conversation dried up, but I was operating under the assumption that I would never see or speak to him again. After all, it’s not like his sister was my therapist anymore.

I should probably get on with finding a new therapist.

APRIL 6TH, 2017

Another three weeks without roaming around people’s dreams and I’m starting to wonder if I’m completely broken. It’s not that I don’t feel the dreamworld anymore, I do, I can sense the edges of it, can smell dust and sunlight and freshly cut grass and perfume on the sharp, cold air, the hallmarks of my family in slumber. But it just feels right out of reach. It reminds me of those anxiety dreams of Aaron’s that I went into when this all first started, but in reverse. In those, he could never run fast enough to get away from the thing chasing him, his feet always being dragged down by molasses. This feels like I can never run fast enough to reach the edge, like it keeps moving, just beyond my grasp, every time I take a step.

I’ve been wondering if this is just what happens after you’ve had your ability for a while. If it just starts to even out, to dull, as your body gets used to it.

I hung out with Caleb and Adam today, hoping for a little bit of normalcy, hoping that I’d be able to glean some useful insight into what it’s like to be an Atypical who has had their ability for over a year. Instead, we mostly ended up talking about how much it sucks to tell someone about your ability and, according to Adam, how much it sucks to be told about an ability. How it turns your entire world perspective upside down.

“I mean, it’s a really jarring thing,” he explained. “Like, I’m the biggest fantasy and sci-fi nerd there is—”

“Psh,” Caleb scoffed. “I’m a way bigger Star Wars fan than you.”

“It’s not a competition,” Adam said.

“It is when we do Star Wars trivia and I get more answers than you do,” Caleb teased, and Adam pushed at him playfully, their momentary scuffle turning into a nauseatingly sweet kiss.

“Emily and I used to do trivia nights,” I said sullenly, which sobered them up from their lovefest pretty quick.

“There’s this coffee shop near her dorm that does trivia nights that we would go to every week,” I continued. “There’s one next week, so…”

“You should ask her to go!” Caleb suggested earnestly.

“Yeah, so … I actually already did?”

They both got very excited about that, asking me frantically what she’d said.