Of course you do. That’s exactly what got us into that mess in the first place. This place fucked you up so bad that you had to work for months to get your ability back. You were hitting against that wall so hard you broke all the way through and broke me too.

I know I’m partly to blame too. I do know that. But you never came by to check in on me. After we got back, you just left me

I can’t stay mad at you, that’s the problem. Well, no, the real problem—

I wish I could be mad at you. I think that’d be easier.

II

FOG

11-01-2016, morningwaffles, text post

Winter is really coming in like a lion this year, earlier than it has any right to. I was not built for the cold climate, but I love this city in the snow. I grew up down in the Southwest, where the days are scorching and the nights are freezing and nothing ever changes very much. The days get longer, get shorter, shrink and stretch with the turn of the earth, but there’s always warm clay beneath your feet, soaking up the sunshine in the day and letting it off when the evening comes. There are always bugs buzzing, creatures scurrying, wind blowing literal tumbleweeds across your driveway. Even the stars feel loud in their shine.

Now, here I am, in the middle of a college campus, in a big city, a direct diagonal shot northeast from my home, and I’m amazed by the hush of quiet. With each new snowfall, the city feels made anew. It feels like just yesterday I was making my way through a summer storm to get soup for my roommate, running into a rain-soaked girl with a sprained wrist, who didn’t smile easily, making me want to earn her smiles even more.

That girl is now curled up on my bed, fast asleep, while snow falls gently outside, blanketing everything in beautiful white quiet.

Okay, yes, I’ve been holding out on you all. A lot has happened in the past whirlwind of a month and I’ve been keeping my personal life close to my heart like the precious thing it is, but I’m just so over-the-moon happy that I need to shout about it to someone and all my irl friends are really sick of hearing about it. So, here I am, shouting about it to all of you.