In the mirror I try to subtly see if he is watching, but he’s disappeared from the bed. Maybe he is getting undressed, and is planning to come in? I lean back against the edge of the sink. I put one foot on the toilet. No, that’s too much for Michael, I’ll scare him off. I put it back on the floor. I pull some hair over my shoulder so it tickles my nipples. I bend one leg and push my foot into the pedestal. I suck in my tummy. I hear him walking towards the door. I’m going to get laid, I can feel it in the air. This is the moment my husband will ravish me. My heart is racing. I lick my lips. I’m so ready for this. Then SLAM. The bathroom door shuts so forcefully that the glass in the window rattles. I stay very still, partly waiting, partly too stunned to move. Surely, he didn’t just slam the door on me?

‘Michael?’ I say, gently through the door. ‘Are you OK?’

He slams the bedroom door too. The mirror falls off the wall.

Lauren Pearce – Instagram post

@OfficialLP

The image is of Lauren in expensive fitness gear doing a downward dog. It’s a selfie; she is somehow managing the shot by taking a picture of her reflection in a mirror.

The caption reads:

Why is #lovingyourself so hard? Some days I struggle with what I see in the mirror, with what everyone else sees. You know those days? I get married in a few days. It will be the happiest day of my life, yet today I feel uneasy. Scared, even. Not of love, not of my choices, but of myself. Hmmmm, sorry, just thoughts going around in my head that I probably shouldn’t share. How is your day? #questions #selflove #happiness #daysliketoday #baddays #anxiety

@regretmenog: You are so real. I #relate to this. Just focus on that gorgeous man and realise how lucky you are

@everymanforherself: Yeah, it must be really hard being a millionaire. Poor you. Can I send you a slap in the face to cheer you up?

@kellyannconwaynemiisis: The reason the world is run by men is because of women like you. JUST SAYING.

@gillyvanilli: babe, I feel you. I just can’t #selflove today. I am a Dr and I prescribe a nap and some sex with that man of yours …

Beth

Lauren asked that I meet her at her house to discuss final details of the day. This nearly gave Jenny a breakdown, but there wasn’t much she could do. It’s a huge house in Highgate, just off a little square. This part of London is like another world.