BooksBarbecue
Back So Lucky Save as PDF
Chapters (28)
  1. SO LUCKY
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. Acknowledgements
  20. Keep Reading …
  21. Introduction
  22. PIECE ONE
  23. Parenting – WHAT is that smell?
  24. PIECE TWO
  25. Don’t miss the ‘So Lucky’ podcast series
  26. About the Author
  27. Also by Dawn O’Porter
  28. About the Publisher

‘That should be fine,’ I tell her. ‘Yes, I mean. Yes, that will be fine.’

I am trying to do better.

5

Ruby

I have a bottle of Elnett on my desk, which I plan to spray directly onto the mouse should it come into my office. I realise this might have a traumatic outcome, but I don’t know what else I can do. Before I look at another email from Rebecca, I need to sort this childcare situation out. I search for local nurseries and send the same email to all of them.

Hello, I recently moved to the area and would love to find a nursery for my lovely little girl, Bonnie (3.5). I have heard wonderful things about your place and wondered if you have any spaces available?

Looking forward to hearing from you, Ruby Blake!

Next, salons. There are so many, it’s impossible to know where to choose. Yelp is very useful for this kind of thing, but I will never understand why people leave reviews. Why would you bother if it wasn’t a complaint? I can’t imagine that, at any point in my life, I will be tempted to leave compliments on Yelp about a service I paid for. These people must be so bored.

I was very happy with the service here. Kaitlin was lovely and it was the first time I’ve had a bikini wax and it didn’t hurt. I’ll definitely go back, especially after seeing the look on my boyfriend’s face when he saw my wax ;)

Why would you write that? What does she want? A high five for getting her vagina shaped like a porn star’s?

Amazing place. Love the products they use. My legs are gorgeous and silky and smell amazing.

Why would she want smelly legs?

This was my first wax. I know, I know, I’m 39 and have always shaved but I’m getting married next week (yey) so treated myself. Loved it. Hooked.

That’s how I felt the week before my wedding. Freshly waxed, excited. Most out of character. Maybe her new husband will humiliate her too.

Just completed my third lasering session on my bikini line. Hurts, but so worth it. No more razors!!!

Well isn’t she brave. I tried lasering. You can’t get it done unless the hair is grown out, so with the twenty-plus sessions I would have needed I’d have been forced to remain hairy for months on end. I just couldn’t face it. Not only that, it was more painful than childbirth. I thought the pain was going to kill me. It was like she was holding a Bunsen burner to my skin. When I imagined that on my nipples I knew I couldn’t take it. Vera got as far as my left ankle before I told her to stop.